The bus rolled in, the door opened with a faint hiss and people started climbing in slowly as if they were carrying invisible weights. It was early afternoon, most folks were probably just heading home after a hard day's work, JD was just one of them. He was the last to board the bus, stepping aside and patiently waiting for his turn. He didn't like competing for seats, he would just take whatever was left. This time, just like on most days he went straight to the back and chose one of the backwards facing seats. Those were usually taken last, as travelling backwards makes some feel nauseated. But he didn't mind feeling like he was being dragged around with no sense of control or direction. Being aimless wasn't new for him, it was the norm. He just dropped his cigarette right before boarding but he already felt the craving for nicotine set in. He felt it in his stomach, much akin to the feeling of anxiety. Maybe because he had to drop his cigarette half finished... what a waste. He should have just finished it and wait for another bus, it would come in ten minutes, enough time for two more cigarettes. These were his thoughts as he was staring out the window.
The bus rolled out of the station and took him through the winding veins of the dilapidated grey town. The Mall is shiny and modern, the state apparatus has it's buildings fixed and renovated regularly. The rest not so fancy. A lot of buildings are in disrepair. And the people... the people are just as grey as their hovels. Unspoken fears and unresolved stress leaves wrinkles on their faces, their gaze lost its luster a long time ago. Purposelessness and the endless drudgery does that to you... JD knew first hand, his dreams too have been shattered, the never ending quest for barely enough money left him tired of life. If this is all there is to it, then maybe it's hardly worth anything. He sometimes dreamed of having a companion, but gave up on that after a little bit of critical thinking.If he hates himself, how can he expect someone else to love him. If he is miserable, he would only make the other person miserable as well, and boy was JD miserable. Lack of self esteem, and a lack of belief destined him to be forever stuck in the rut. So he resolved to accept his fate, and prepare to live and ultimately die alone.
The chatter of oblivious teenagers constantly disrupted his train of thought, he glanced up at them only to see they were lost in the screens of their phones while talking to each other, without even looking at one another. The multitasking generation, how to make two shoddy jobs in the same time it takes to make one OK job. JD didn't have his phone on him, as there is no one who would call him ever, he rather left it at home. He could bring it along to listen to music, but frankly the older he gets, the more music annoys him. He learned that in this mundane world the closest thing to magic is music and arts, conveying thoughts, messages and even feelings to influence another human. This power, like all powers can be abused and he grew ever more suspicious of mainstream artists having an undisclosed, occult agenda. This is the same reason he stopped watching TV, the manipulation in all communications is ever present.
Thus to JD everything seemed corrupt and rotten, even the sanctified aspects of life like marriage and parenting. He saw pitfalls and traps everywhere. He knew he could not change things outside his power. The only thing he could change was himself, but if you no longer wanted to impress anyone, and you lost all your ambitions, than what's the point of betterment. It's defeatist... he knew that full well, but he lost, he lost a long time ago by not learning the rules of the game, by not playing along and trying to pursue happiness within the confines of society. He always looked outside the boundaries of society, how to achieve things through unconventional means. All he wanted now, nearing forty years of age, was to live and die in peace alone, without ever having to talk to anyone anymore.
The soulless pre-recorded voice on the speaker announced the next stop, the one where he has to get off. He zig-zagged his way through the idle docile passengers towards the door very carefully as to not touch anyone. Rummaging through his pockets he drew forth the pack of smokes, flipping it open with his thumb he lifted it to his lips and with a gentle bite on the filter he pulled one of the cigarettes from the pack, the lighter was already in his other hand as the bus stopped and the door opened. He lit up while stepping off the bus. It's just five minutes to home, he'll make a sandwich and then go to sleep and probably dream. With the curtains drawn it doesn't matter that the sun is still up, that it's still only half past three. Why would he want to stay awake for anyway. Pointless really.
JD knew he was unimportant, a one in seven billion part of the organic waste pile.
I created JD just right now, and a part of me thinks pretty much like him. I'm just as unimportant as he is. Probably just as bitter.
I hail from a country situated down south between the butt cheeks of Europe, the Alps and the Carpathians. Its a warm and snug little place, and visitors are most welcome, if you don't mind the smell, dive right in, you'll probably enjoy it. If you do, do come again. Just don't leave a mess. And be safe. The residents like me tend to cling to you once you rub them the right way. Yeah i know, I'm just a nasty piece of... work.
My goal here is to fish for souls, since i lost my own. Unlike JD, i do want to share and spread my misery. Follow me if you dare.
Forgive my poor English, it ain't my mother tongue.
Soma Unony the nameless ,faceless, and worthless human from the southern end of Europe.
