It's taking a toll, you know. All this madness in the world right now has me pretty beat down. It's all good, I know. I get that it's all coming to the surface to be healed, but do we have to do it all at once? The patriarchy, capitalism, neo-colonialism, racism, xenophobia, trans phobia, homophobia, the military-industrial complex, violence, it's all coming to a head right now, and I'm feeling like maybe we should take these one or two at a time. It feels like a boxing match where I am losing really badly.
smack Cops killing black people for no damn reason
starts to stand back up
smack sexual assault perp gets appointed to the scotus by sexual assaulter POTUS
stands dizzily
kapow half the US thinks he's innocent; PTSD sets in
Struggling to stand
clock neo nazis are beating people in the streets with little to no consequence
one foot, two feet
boom massive wave of xenophobia as refugees escaping problems created by the US government try to create a better life for themselves; the ignorant masses, including the US President, say awful and hateful things about people they don't know and a process they don't understand.
crawling to my knees
smack down US excuses torture and murder of a journalist and continues selling weapons to said country, which they've been using to murder and starve other people for three years.
hands and knees, looking up to try to figure out what fucked up individual is wielding this 2x4
cold cock racists murdering black people apparently isn't a hate crime.
starting to think curling into a ball might be wise
kick racists stopping black people from voting
smack president proclaims himself a nationalist
knee to the face people mailing bombs to people
2x4 the first erasure. Trans people will be erased
2x4 to the other cheek troops will be deployed to the border
lights out
The synagogue shooting has happened since I first wrote this.
Y'all!! This is all the last couple weeks. How is this possible? Add to this that we've gone through a sexual assault issue with my daughter in this time period, and I'm just barely hangin on. Oh, and shortly before this, one of my neighbor's was murdered so some nights I lay awake in terror. I'm angry. I'm really angry at men. I'm so mad this world isn't safe for me and my daughters because our power is so terrifying to the weak. I'm angry so many of my friends aren't safe. I'm angry so many people cannot escape the oppressive structures and systems.
Also since I wrote this I had to take my kids from my husband because he is having a mental breakdown. He has slipped from the edge.
The world is in a substantial upheaval right now. Shit is for real getting shook up. Like I said, I know this is good in the long run, but it's wildly painful right now. I read a beautiful piece today about how we must remember to let our heart keep breaking open so God can seep in. Don't get consumed by the anger. Don't get consumed by the anger. Don't get consumed by the anger. Feel the hurt, heal the wound.
Everyone keeps talking about the importance of self care right now. While that is true, it's a tall order. How am I supposed to do that exactly? I now have my kids full time. I can't afford a sitter. I can go walk on the beach. I live in what I believe is the most beautiful place on earth. I'm really glad for this place. I love it here, but I need more than a walk on the beach. I need a massage. I need a wine and chocolate night with my girlfriends. I need a few days to clean, a few days to rest, and a few days to do fun stuff with my kids, but every free moment, I need to work. Self care truly is revolutionary, but that's a tall order for the poor. I think of all those really hurting even more from these acts of violence. I think of how many are dealing with steeper poverty than I am. I think of how much it hurts to know you can't care for yourself properly, no matter how much you need it. Maybe one of the most revolutionary things we can do is to provide opportunities for self care for the poor. Child care, massages, spa days, free admission to hot springs, etc. I keep thinking of the Bread and Roses strike.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
