Just when you plan so many things and hope to reach some goals you watch yourself being carried and tossed around mercilessly by the waves that engulf you. You then become intensely thankful that another day has gone by and you are still alive.
My intention here is neither to rant or whine, I hate doing both. Maybe I just want to let some steam off. I know I haven't read or commented as much as I used to do over the last four weeks, I've just steeped back and let the tide pass me by. Sometimes that is all you can do, sit back and watch the waves lash about, there is a certain beauty in that anger as well. Maybe a certain cleansing too.
However, the truth is I needed to slow down and take things slow online so I could handle the things happening in real life better. It certainly helped. The rest and the ability to calm down at will makes things seem a hundred times better.
I learned to relax and be calm a many years ago, now that doesn't mean I don't lose my cool ever. There are still moments when I turn back and tell the people who annoy me to go wherever. I still have my moments of breaking , but I prefer that they are just moments and not days or months.
When I was a Human resource manager with an IT giant the pressure was palpable every minute of the day. 'Get me the people I need yesterday' was the constant song in my ears. To head hunt and find the right fit wasn't easy. During that rat race I learned to sit back and enjoy the madness around me and laugh. When I looked out of my cabin I saw people handling things even worse, if that was possible. Some ran around like chickens without heads.
Have you ever witnessed that scene? I did when I was visiting a farm. The farmhand who was cutting the chicken noticed a crazy bull they had come off its tether and run amok. This guy left the chicken whose head he had just cut to catch the bull before it hurt someone. This headless chicken did a jig for a while. I did not stand by to watch the scene, it was traumatic enough to take me off meat for a while.
I learned to laugh at myself and the world in general. I learn to visit my inner world of beauty and calm myself. The scenes that I had seen, the places i had enjoyed where imprinted in my mind. These where my go to places in times of stress. A few minutes there mentally and I would be back in full strength.
However, true peace came from knowing God. A peace beyond all understanding. Even when the whole world is rocking around me , i still still and know that He is God.
I've learned that to worry is to jump the gun. I refuse to worry. I refuse to cry. I mean I cry and grieve human loss but refuse to acknowledge the struggles of life have any power over me. I take them in my stride and move on.
Why waste energy on useless things? I'd rather focus on what can be done and do it instead of whining. I enjoy positive energy even if it makes me feel tired and spent.
There are days when I feel absolutely lacking in physical energy, but I never let that thought occupy my mind. I ignore pain and move on, it may not always be good, but at the end of the day I feel I have accomplished something even if it was just an emotional victory.
Revisiting places which have overwhelmed you emotionally, physically and taken you to the edge of the precipice rekindles the same emotions. I have had to shun them and walk away, I needed to keep telling myself, I've walked this path before, I've won the battle so I wont let this feeling of defeat overwhelm me now all over again.
You cannot let the craziness of life tie you down. There is more power in moving on and going further ahead.
Thank you for reading and supporting my posts.
