I never liked having to go to see doctors. I am pretty sure it came from being an infant and having to get casts on both legs. I was born with club feet. When my parents adopted me, they took over the cost and time to get my legs fixed. When you are under the age of one, you grow fast. Growing fast meant the casts had to be changed every few weeks to help my legs grow straight and strong like everyone else.
I do not remember wearing the casts. I do remember having to walk up and down the corridor of the doctor's office while he looked on to make sure I was walking straight.
When taking care of my mom this year, she told me the story about how I would start screaming and panicking when she would carry me down long hallways, say into a changing room. She informed me I would start crying and kept saying the word 'no.'
Mom ended up talking to a nurse about this behavior. The nurse told her that I was reliving having to go alone down the long corridor to get my cast changed. Back in the day, your parents did not always accompany you when doctors did things that might upset your parents.
When little, just before falling asleep, I had full-blown panic attacks every so often while lying in bed. I will go out on a limb and say this had a lot to do with getting my cast taken off and put back on.
I blossomed early. I also had horrendous endometriosis that went untreated until I was in my twenties. Once I finally got diagnosed with endometriosis, they started me on all kinds of treatments to help me be able to function each month.
Unfortunately, my body and most medications do not mix. I am okay with that because when growing up, many of my friends became addicted to many illegal drugs. Drugs just made me sick. I stayed out of a lot of trouble because of this.
I have a list of drugs doctors have tried on me for endometriosis and fibromyalgia. None of them worked for me. It made me sicker. It gave me full-blown panic attacks and other horrible side effects.
I learned in my early twenties to stand up for myself and my body with doctors. I knew that we were all made different. Certain drugs would work for a friend and make me want to die.
I learned to know my body inside and out. Each change. Each feeling. Some of the medications doctors tried to use on me were fine for the first few weeks, but the longer I took it, the medication would change how it interacted with my body. It would sneak up on me and start to make me sick. I had to be vigilant.
I also learned through this process that doctors play a guessing game with our bodies.
Yes, they have the schooling and nohow to be a detective with our bodies. If you forget to relay significant symptoms to your doctor, they can not make the best diagnosis possible.
The United States healthcare system is treated as a business. When you book an appointment to see a doctor, you are allowed about four minutes with that doctor. No one can give you their full attention when they know in 3 minutes they need to see their next patient unless they want to fall behind and have to work overtime.
On April 22, 2021, my health took a massive downturn. Not being in excellent health initially, this new development was alarming.
In contrast, the doctor I had been seeing for the last ten years had gotten me to a place where I could function most days. He never kept looking for new ideas that could help me have a fuller life. My husband wasn't happy with how my health was doing either and wanted me to fix it.
I did a ton of research on finding a new doctor. I looked for an opened minded doctor. One that would look at my case in a different light and maybe be able to give me more of my life back. Sound too good to be true? It was.
I have just spent the better part of a year in Hell because of the new doctor I had trusted with my life.
You can read more about her unwillingness to listen and help me here and here.
Today I finally took matters back into my own hands. I called my old doctor and went in today and asked for his help. He was appalled at what I had been dealing with. He was visibly upset about how I had been treated and, in turn, how his treatment for me was called into question.
Many good things came out of my doctor's visit today. I received refills on all the medicians that have, over the years, helped me to function at a higher level than I can when not taking them.
The doctor reexamined my case with new eyes. He knows my history and, with that knowledge, picked out flaws in my case and areas we can explore to improve for me.
After the year I had with doctors and the horrible things they said and assumed about me, I almost did not attend my appointment today. I had a full-blown panic attack while waiting for my sister-in-law to pick me up and take me to my appointment. I could not have taken any more disappointment from Doctors. I was way beyond my limit.
I was starting to believe all the horrible things being said about me even when I knew they were not true. These feelings go back to learning to love yourself and believe in yourself. The easy way is to believe in all the horribleness people will say about you.
The most challenging path is to believe you are in the right and fight for what you know is right.
You need to be your warrior. You deserve the best of the best. You deserve someone that knows you inside and out, fighting for you.
Dancer: Photo by Pixabay
Doctor: Photo by cottonbro
Sunrise: Photo by Pixabay
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
