Everybody knows that men get a bad rep, especially when it comes to dating. You’ve probably heard lines such as:
“Men are pigs!”
“What, he didn’t pay for the first date? What a fucking cheapskate!”
“He went for the kiss, on the FIRST DATE? Jeez, what a creep!”
“He didn’t go for the kiss on the THIRD DATE? Is he gay!?”
“Oh, you’ll know what he really wants after the second date.”
“He just wants to bang you!”
“Men are just WEIRD!”
Just to see what Google had to say about the topic, I typed in “dating women sucks”. On the first page of results, I only got two articles targeted for men. Every other article was for women, written by a woman.
If you’re an average guy, you already know that dating sucks. It sucks because there’s not much advice out there for regular blokes like us.
And yeah, I get it. We have shit that we need to work on. But, there’s barely anything written about the bullshit women do. That’s why the average man, like the dopes that we are, just keep on winging it as we get ghosted, led on, and get our asses kicked over and over again.
So, in the spirit of equality and balancing things out, let’s talk about the nine shitty things I’ve realised when it comes to dating women.
Picture a classy restaurant with forks, knives, plates, and wine glasses clinking together. Murmurs and muffled laughter echo around the dimly lit restaurant. Among the crowd of diners is a man and a woman sitting together, sipping wine and conversing.
Suddenly, the woman stands up and slaps the shit out of the man.
SMACK
She cries and leaves. Left at the table is the man, still standing up with his jaw on the floor. He mutters to himself, “What the fuck just happened?”
How do you think the other diners would react? My guess would be laughter aimed towards the guy and sympathy for the woman. And, this is not me being biased. This is me just stating how Westernised societies tend to behave when it comes to men and women.
Have you ever seen videos on YouTube of cats smacking the shit out of dogs? It’s hilarious, right? Seeing a big fluffy dog getting the shit kicked out of him by a little furry cat is just too ridiculous to see. But man, once the dog starts fighting back, all hell breaks loose and the dog gets branded as the fucking devil.
Funnily enough, it works out the same way for men and women. Women beat the shit out of men in many different ways. But they don’t go for jabs or hooks. They go deep.
They go for your soul.
They can splash a drink on your face, talk shit about your beliefs and your dreams, scream about how small your dick is, and everything in between. And as a man, all you can do is walk away. Because the moment you flip and hit a woman, it’s straight to prison for you.
Typically, women like to date men that are better than them. This means looking out for guys who are taller than them, stronger than them, makes more money than them, and are funnier than them.
Okay, okay. I hear some of you ladies groaning in the corner.
“What the hell are you talking about!? I make my own money! I’M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!”
That’s cool. But ask yourselves, do you really want a bitch of a guy as your man? You go get groceries, and he tells you to carry more bags to the car because he can’t lift as much as you? Or, when you get a flat tyre, you see your man calling the tow company because he can’t even fucking swap out the busted tyre with the spare one? When the floorboards start creaking at night, do you really want to see your man make a break for the bedroom window instead of grabbing a flashlight and checking what’s up?
No, you don’t. You don’t want a bitch of a guy as your man. You want a capable man that you can rely on when shit hits the fan.
So, going back to what I was saying, if women generally like men who are better than them, what does this mean for the other side of the equation? Well, what men end up having are women who are shorter than us, weaker than us, makes less money than us, and more boring than us. So, what’s left to like?
Your face, ass, and tits. Now, do you understand?
I know this sounds terrible, but what else would you expect? Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for breaking the stereotype. But doing so means having the ladies date men who are dumber than them, chunkier than them, shorter than them, and make less money than them.
So, go ahead and lead the way ladies. Start dating the gents with the minimum wage paycheck, double-D man tits and the eight-month-baby-looking beer gut they got hanging in front of them.
We’re just tagging along with what you guys want.
Men who like to be all gangsta’ typically refer to their women as “bitches”. This typically means being in a superior position over a woman. But, as the years passed, I’ve begun to pick up on certain clues. Clues, that, once you piece together, prove that a “platonic” relationship a guy thought he has with a woman is actually a life-long sentence of servitude.
People generally call this contract the friend zone. But, I prefer describing the victim of this predatory relationship using more powerful, descriptive words: a man-bitch.
And the list goes on and on.
Times have changed, my friend. And you better pay more attention, not just for yourself, but for your other guy friends as well.
Call that shit out. Save a brother from being some lady’s bitch.
“Dude, she’s sitting alone. That’s the sign! PAY FUCKING ATTENTION! SHE’S TELLING YOU TO WALK UP THERE and TALK TO HER.”
This is one of the most common advice men get when it comes to approaching women. And, contrary to popular belief, women do make the first move. But, these aren’t moves per se. Rather, these are signs. Clues, if you will. Signals that are thrown out towards the perpetually unsuspecting man to communicate her desire to be approached.
However, no matter how many clues get thrown towards the man’s way, nothing will happen unless the man makes his move. So, it’s up to us to grab our balls, amp ourselves up, and walk up to this woman like a gentleman while she sits pretty and flirts with the bartender.
We get shut down nine times out of ten. And it hurts, especially in the beginning. But, if you keep on doing it enough times, you’ll start giving less fucks. Because, in the end, dating isn’t a game of fate where you wait for the stars to align while as you lie and bask in the comfort of your bedroom.
Dating is a brutal game of attrition. It’s about learning how to cut your losses while knowing you gave that person a fair shot. It’s about guarding your heart until you know it’s the right time. It’s about learning to put yourself first no matter how good the dates get.
Now, say you got lucky, found a decent enough woman, and ended up moving past a situationship towards a relationship. You pat yourself on the back as you celebrate all the hard work you put into wooing this lady.
You thought the hard part was over. Au contraire, it’s only just begun.
In the beginning, relationships tend to be constant a power struggle between the man and the woman. And, nobody tends to suspect anything because both parties are too busy putting each other’s best foot forward.
It starts out with the woman being indecisive. You ask her where she wants to eat, and she replies that she doesn’t know. You ask her what she wants to eat, and she tells you she’s not hungry. So, you go ahead and buy yourself a burger and fries. Then, right as when you put your tray down and start unpeeling the paper wrapper of your juicy beef burger, she goes ahead and grabs your freshly fried, sea salt fries.
Now, you mutter inside your head, “The fuck? She just told me she wasn’t hungry!” Men tend to get confused when this happens. And, I get it. But, I’ve learned that the reason why this happens could be one of three things:
This goes on up until six months or so. She starts taking the back seat more, and you start calling the shots. It’s also during this period where the woman starts doing nice things for her man.
You get back from work, and you see your clothes neatly folded up in your closet instead of being piled up on “the chair”. You wake up, and she already has coffee made for you. And you’re like, “God damn, this is the life!” You’re all set and ready to go for work until you realise that you’ve lost your keys, yet again! So you go ahead and ask your woman because she always knows.
Then, the sixth month arrives. Soon enough, you fuck up a bit too much than your usual fuck ups. You didn’t text back while you were hanging out with “that lady from work” because you were too drunk. Or, you forgot that yesterday was your anniversary. Fuck knows. I bet you don’t even know why she’s pissed.
The point is, the “conversation” eventually happens:
Woman: “You never let me do anything! You always decide!”
Man: “Oh I’m sorry, baby. What do you want to do today? We can do whatever you want!”
Woman: “You’ll be nothing without me! You’ll have no clothes to wear and no coffee in the morning. Hell, you don’t even know where your keys are!”
And, you’ll be like, “Fuck, I actually don’t know where my keys are!”
See, the past six months haven’t been done entirely from the goodness of her heart. She’s been keeping some of that goodwill on the side, primed and ready to be fired like a North Korean nuke headed straight for your face. And, all it takes for World War Three to happen is you pissing her off one last time.
On the other hand, you’ve forgotten how to take care of yourself. You’ve forgotten how to be single.
You’ve forgotten how to be a man.
And, that’s when you know you’re really fucked.
All the dates I’ve been in New Zealand have gone pretty swimmingly when it comes to paying the bill. We line up, pay for what we ordered, and move on.
Easy.
But, occasionally, you meet women who like to go “old school”. You’ve heard them, the ones that say, “Guys should pay on the first date. I’m old school like that.”
Oh yeah? Well, good thing I’m old school too. So how about you put on an apron and I’ll pay for the food once you make it!
C’mon ladies. You can’t pick the old school values that end up working out for you and ignore the rest. You can’t pick and choose.
This ain’t a buffet.
Besides, that’s not you being “old school”. That’s just you being a manipulative bitch. You ain’t my mom. We’re not related. We’re not friends. You got a job.
Pay for your food.
Besides, if we do end up getting along with each other, I bet that having us pay for your food wouldn’t bother us in the least. And, this is not us attacking your independence. This is just us trying to be nice.
How many times have you heard a woman say “Where have all the good guys gone?”
Look around lady. They’re everywhere. The problem is, you’re not even looking. You’re selecting.
There’s a difference.
Looking isn’t you sorting through all the guys you know and saying “Nope, too ugly. Nope, too short. Nope, too poor.” And I have no problem with women having standards.
That’s fair.
That doesn’t mean good men have gone extinct. It just means you can’t find a man that fits your standards. So, all this boils down to is you checking if there’s a reasonable ratio between how high your standards are and how much you really have to offer as a woman.
What does a woman in a bar need to do to get laid? Get a drink, sit on a stool, and wait. Or, if she’s drunk enough, stand on a table, scream that she’s single, and point at her pussy.
Do the former as a guy, and you might as well go home drunk at 4 am and jerk off. Do the latter, and you’re bound to get splashed on the face by a multitude of alcoholic beverages and have your ass kicked out by the bouncer in quick succession.
Nothing’s gonna happen if you just sit around as a guy.
Guys have to learn how to talk themselves from nothing into something. It’s what society expects out of a man. We learn how it feels like to get our asses kicked over and over again faster than women because we’ve been doing it for far longer.
This is the modern man’s “hunt”. We need to give things a shot. All this, just to get the thing women crave so much: “game”.
Game is a simple word that explains something that’s far more complicated. So, what does it mean to have “game”? Let me break it down for you:
Game is a lot of things. And the one thing that lies in common with these different characteristics is time. You don’t get to have game just by existing. It takes surviving rough patches in your life and learning from the mistakes you made. It takes believing in yourself even if everything is falling apart. It takes going through so much rejection that you learn not to take things too seriously.
On the other hand, say you have two women sitting together at a bar. One’s an accomplished lawyer and the other works at Burger King. Who do you think will get hit on more?
The one who looks better.
In the eyes of a man, it doesn’t matter what you’ve got under the hood. All we need to walk up to you and risk our asses getting handed to us is you to look nice.
This is why I don’t feel bad when you got “pimps” walking around with ladies around them. Yeah, even the fat ugly ones. Most likely, he’s got a lot more going on that what you can see. Plus, the fatter and uglier you are, the more successful you have to be as a man.
It takes hard work to be a pimp. It doesn’t take a lot to be a whore.
“Why do I always end up with douchebags? I swear, from this point on, I’ll date nicer guys who will actually give a shit about me!”
A few weeks later, she’s dating the crack dealer down the street while her childhood friend is still mailing her love letters and roses.
Women don’t want nice. Why? Because nice is boring. Nice is Beta. They want the Alpha. They want a man who has a path, and will do everything to pursue that path even if it means she gets bumped down to second place.
Women say they want to be put first. But, deep down, they really don’t. Why? The moment they’re on the pedestal is when things start to get boring real quick. That’s when men start becoming Beta Males. They start doing whatever you want, listening to all your problems, and taking time off just so they can watch Bridesmaids with you for the eleventh time.
He gets so Beta that even if you wanted him to fight you just so he can fight for himself, he wouldn’t. He’d rather lose himself than lose you. And that’s the worst kind of man a woman can have.
In the end, most women don’t want to win. They want a winner.
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