Today may have been the last beach day for the year, depending on the weather, and how gruelling the daycare schedule is going to be. It is hard to tell what kinds of cruel and unusual punishments kindergarten teachers may enforce upon us, the playground prisoners.
I am pretty young and even though I have a big personality, it is not yet set in stone, if ever it is. Who am I to become? Will my disposition be a happy and likable one or dark and raise caution? Will I have a victim of circumstance perspective or, a proactive character with personal agency and responsibility. Will I deal well with hardship, disappointment and loss, or will I break at the slightest hiccup on the road of my life?
It is too early to tell.
One thing that is certain though is that there is no going back. From before my birth the ripple of me started to effect the world, firstly as I grew inside Mummy and then as I grew into the world of them as my future parents. From the moment they knew I was on the way, everything changed, forever. The ripple can never be drawn back to the pebble.
So much can happen in this world, so much can happen to us and we are not immune to influence, everything impacts on us, shapes us, dents us, cracks us. The only thing we can do is find out who we are and then act with resilience so that we can always be our best version of ourselves.
So far, I think I have been resilient but, at my age, how do I know? I know that Daddy worries about all of the things I have been through from birth and wonders if I am stronger for them or, damaged. One day, are the experiences that are no longer in conscious memory going to come back and haunt me, are they invisible waves directing me?
Who knows.
Tomorrow is my first day at daycare, Mummy will be there with me to help me settle in but, I feel that it is all changing, that a new ripple is going to begin and many more are going to crash into me to effect in unknown ways. The slightest experience can change us forever. Perhaps this is why so many are afraid to really live.
I am not afraid. At least for now.
<3
Smallsteps
