It is said in our religion, one is not burdened with more than what he can bear. This is starting to feel less and less likely to be the case with every passing minute. Before you go ahead and label me a rebel against the religion, do understand this is just coming from sheer frustration, that's all.
Dada shared the following quote with us last Friday when I had to abruptly leave our voice meeting for an unforeseen event.
You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective — it just means you’re human.....David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas
I'd much rather be a bot right about now, thanks. This is the 5th time I'm sitting to write something down, to clear my thoughts, to lift off a bit of heaviness off of my chest. But I'm exhausted, mentally, which so efficiently carries on to the physical aspect. Yes, this is an actual thing.
I do not know how many more attempts it's going to take me to compose my thoughts. Outside, the rain has just began to crash down on to our pitched lawn, and an earthy smell from the garden which is just outside my back window,, is filling my room. I have always found mid nights mysterious. It's neither here, nor there. An abyss of sorts in the dimension of time. The cool soothing breeze is rather saddening tonight.
I have been listening to a lot of old songs. Not the classics from the 80s or 90s. Just some of the rather "not so special" songs I grew up listening to. Songs that are reminiscent of simpler times. The words maybe heavy, but times were simpler.
অনেক অনেক মৃত্যুর পর
শান্তি ফিরবে একদিন
ক্রমাগত ঘৃণায় পুড়ে
মানুষ হবে নিষ্প্রাণ
-Black
Someone once asked me about my username on HIVE. "So, have you managed to simplify your life." I laughed hard at the question. "Far from it," was my response. And it just moved further away in the space of a couple of days. I don't know if this is my mind trying to soothe my mangled soul, but does life really need to be simple? Maybe it doesn't. Maybe it's the struggles that turns the "not so special" stories of life into fairy-tales.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor."
Does it surprise you how much hatred, jealousy we have surrounded ourselves with? I often find myself wondering about certain people, ...all this rage, ...all this resentment, ...the toxicity, ...all bottled up in one vessel. How does it not combust? But see, this is where I have been wrong all these years. They do combust, constantly ...Incinerating the innocent by-standers who meant no harm, in the process.
অলস সময়ের সৈকতে
ঢেউ এসে পড়ে স্বপ্ন জুড়ে
ভেঙ্গে দেয় ছায়ার মত তুমি
-Artcell
I have a very interesting, and confusing interpretation of these sort of people.
In my medical practice, I have often encountered attempted suicide cases. People have taken all sorts of crazy stuff imaginable you wouldn't believe if you hadn't experienced these cases first hand. For most of these, if brought to us early enough, we could insert a naso-gastric tube and wash the bad stuff out. Essentially inserting a good thing to take the bad things out. But some of these patients will have ingested something to toxic, so corrosive that it has almost demolished everything along the way, so much so that there's sometimes nowhere left to insert the NG Tube. Even if there is an esophagus left to insert, we often won't, because forcing the good thing through will just rupture it because the path has been corroded too much.
If we take a hard look around us, how many such companions will we find who has filled themselves with so much toxicity, so much jealousy, so much of the corrosive stuff that, all that's left of them inside is the empty! There's nowhere left to insert the good stuff. We gotta ask ourselves, how much are we willing to be incinerated from their spontaneous combustion, till we decide to move away. For, "if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Nietzsche