"This nice property has over 150 different animals, including a Malaysian tiger. And the spiders... How can I put it? Let's just say you'd have to move to Australia to find anything that could beat it."
Jill's face had lit up at the mention of the tiger but after hearing about the spiders it was split into a wide smile. Her husband looked a little less convinced so Felicity quickly moved on to the house itself.
"Why don't we head inside? It's a good sized three bed, two-and-a-half bath with an unfinished basement that's got loads of potential."
Donnie looked a little happier as they toured the downstairs. Felicity focused on him as she described the house's features, so she was caught off guard by Jill's cry of dismay when they reached the master ensuite.
"A pink tub!" she exclaimed. "I thought this place was renovated."
"Yes, the kitchen and downstairs half-bath," said Felicity, "but they hadn't got round to it up here before the incident."
Jill sighed and tapped a finger against the powder pink tiles on the wall, a perfect match to the tub.
"It's not ideal, but when you take into account the opportunity to expand your petting zoo, which you've said is a dream of yours-"
"Her unprofitable, hobby petting zoo," interjected Donnie in a low grumble, earning himself glares from both women.
"Let's take a look at the second bedroom," said Felicity, herding them as quickly as she could back into the hallway. "I think you're really going to be impressed by the light in there."
She always thought that her kisses were the best but they didn't seem to be getting her anywhere with Ahmad. She'd tried everything, including near-prostitution now, to sell this property, but nothing seemed to work.
Of all the showings, Jill had gotten Felicity's hopes up the furthest. For most buyers the non-negotiable bestiary out back was a turn-off, and that was without the terrible death of the previous owner to contend with or the rumors of how it sat on a hellmouth that slowly drove you insane. It was a bitter pill to swallow when they'd passed on it, largely blaming it on the outdated upstairs bath.
But maybe things weren't totally hopeless with Ahmad. She reached down and let her hand rest lightly on his fly.
"Why don't we take this upstairs where you can get a better look at the coved ceiling in the master bedroom," she whispered.
He smiled at her with a glazed expression and nodded.
"There's one thing I should tell you first. I've got arachnophobia. There's no way I'm buying this place."
Ahmad sank his head into his hands when the furnace clicked on. The buzzing drove him crazy. Somehow he'd grown used to Jill's constant weeping but the furnace's quiet, metallic hum made him want to rip off his ears.
He shifted his foot, pulling on the manacle that trapped his ankle. Once again he seriously considered how he might saw off his foot. Those thoughts were coming more often. Even worse, they no longer alarmed him like they once had.
High heels clacked against the naked wooden stairs leading to the basement. A chorus of pleading rose up, including Ahmad's voice.
"Is anyone ready to buy yet?" asked Felicity cheerfully.
"For the love of God, please," cried out Robert to no-one in particular. He had been here the longest.
"No? Not yet?" Felicity made her rounds quickly, tossing a wrapped sandwich and bottle of water to each prisoner while keeping carefully out of reach.
"Maybe if you show me the kitchen again," said Ahmad.
She sneered down at him. "Not you. I know you're just toying with me, you...you arachnophobe. Anyone else? Jill?"
The only answer was a desperate wailing that increased in volume as she moved back towards the stairs.
This story was written for this weekend's #freewrite by 
Photo by Hamish Weir.
