Holding Yourself Accountable - Accepting Responsibility and Happiness
Good evening, tonight's post will be about communication, personal responsibility, and how
Post Inspiration
Yesterday I came across a well written article by fellow Steemian
@sammosk, about passive aggressive behavior and how a lack of communication leads to blame, misunderstandings, and pain for all parties involved. As I am taking Psychology in my current class, this article provided a wealth of knowledge on interactions and relationships. This sparked many ideas about how I handle being responsible for my own situations, and why I hold myself accountable for the things that happen to me. I invite anyone who has not read his beautiful post yet to check it out in the link below!
Life outside of Steemit
I live in a hotel at the edge of Waikiki with 2 of my friends and roommates, and we have been here for a year and a half. Although many people in their early 20's don't do well living on their own for the first time, we've managed to make this work out for us.
"An individual expressing this behaviour will often not show they are upset or annoyed and may appear on the surface to be in agreement, polite and even friendly. However, on a deeper level they are being manipulative and selfish."
-
You've heard the classic story, after months of being settled in, tensions begin to rise. In some cases, their share of bills gets paid late, if at all. They start stealing from each other, and subtly stop doing chores around the house. This miscommunication ends up boiling over, and one or more people bail on the place. As
"Where there are ongoing established patterns of negative attitudes and passive resistance in personal relationships or work situations, often these worsen over time."
Our current living situation is going well, and luckily this story is fictional in the present. However, I remember several times in the past with other roommates when this wasn't the case. Leaving sticky notes instead of talking, doing all the chores by yourself, then blaming your roommates for you being unhappy. Not talking to one another left roommates feeling victimized by others through their own devices.
Learning from the past has shown me that if anything is wrong, the best way to start resolving the issue is to communicate it. Even if you're scared, if others don't know what the problem is, no one will be able to help. By not talking things out, passive aggressive behavior forms, breaking holes in the relationship.
Why Projects Fail
For anyone following along, my last class was Project Management. I learned about the Standish Group that complies research on project success and failure by samples from many IT companies. This is known as the CHAOS report, and in their whitepaper they have established that;
"The three major reasons that a project will succeed are user involvement, executive management support, and a clear statement of requirements."
If you look closely, you will realize that these are all communication requirements. Users and stakeholders need to feel significant, managers need to listen and not wield power in an unruly fashion, and everyone needs mutual understanding to be brought to the same page. Without these areas being met, a project will not finish. This holds true for life outside of careers as well.
The Roles We Play Come with Responsibility
Education has always been important to me, but I have been given flack for being an online student. Although there is no classroom, and I cannot physically touch my books, rest assured- the learning that takes place is very real. Living on my own away from family, and attending an online curriculum has made me realize the type of responsibility I must accept in order to reach my goals.
I have to consciously decide when to turn in classwork, and no one will make me get out of bed. If I mess up and turn in an assignment late, there is no one to blame but myself. Yet, we see people call out of work from partying, or a bill getting late fees for not being paid on time. When we can't pass blame onto others, we make excuses on why something we were accountable for went wrong, placing the power and responsibility for it outside of ourselves. We become the victim.
Doing this feels good up to a point. Having others feel bad for us, is a way to get a confirmation that it wasn't our fault. Everyone wants approval and love of their peers, but not this way. The success is short lived and will prevent you from reaching lasting relationships, and true happiness.
Unfulfilled Promises
It really isn't the thought that counts. The time spent waiting for a person to "come through" could also be used to find someone already competent and certain to finish the job. Why is there so much internal struggle in today's world? I thought about the many times I was let down, or even when I let others down, and what I did to change this behavior.
Don't agree to something unless you are sure, even if you are feeling pressured. If you can't do something, say so.
If something happens where you cannot complete something, notify the person. Waiting only leads to bigger misunderstandings down the line. People fail everyday, it is important for learning how to succeed.
If someone or something makes you upset, express how you feel. But! You need to understand that no one controls how you feel but YOU. Speak, don't scream.
It is way less of a let down if you initially can't do something instead of them finding out later. When what you think isn't what you say, or what you say isn't what you do, this disrupts the calmness in your mind, and fragments your soul. Try your best to make all of these things the same, and you will feel wonderfully light. No action, no follow through, is what makes a person have only half a heart.
We All Have the Power to Be Happy
Blaming someone else for your own circumstance only says that this other person is responsible for your happiness. You gave them the power to choose how you feel. Saying that it is not your fault for something that affects you, is saying that you do not have control over what happens to you.
In order to change a bad situation, to grow and go after goals and dreams, it is important to accept responsibility. When you become aware that what you do is a choice, then you realize happiness is also a choice.
Choose to be happy.