CLOSURE

I often heard it from my girlfriends.

"But I need closure, I want to know why it happened, what went wrong?"

These words echoed on my mind as I remember my first heartbreak. I was desperate, my world shattered and my mind couldn't rest as I tried to make sense of everything. I kept remembering the moments the happiness we had even the sad ones. I felt the need to run after him and just ask him the one question that could appease me:

Why?

Actually, in all honesty I didn't just want to ask him why. I just wanted to see him and salvage what was left. I was taking the chance to see if we can get back together again and pick up the pieces. It was my way to cling to him with the thought that maybe I can still convince him to stay.

But I failed, every time I picked up the phone he would refuse and tell me that he was busy. He was giving me all the excuses in the world just to avoid me. I even went to his home arranged a visit to see his sister to talk some sense into him. But all efforts were in vain. He made no attempt to see and explain to me the answers, instead all I got was this response from him:

"You're too good for me."

Useless words that people think that will help you move on and confuse people even more.

It took quite sometime for me to realize that some things are better left unsaid. To explain that love has gone away and the feelings have died is still difficult for most people to utter and accept. To honestly say that your partner is no longer attractive in your eyes and the love you once shared is not there anymore. To see her/him heartbroken again and again with every moment that you're together and being repeatedly reminded that the connection between you two was lost and broken.

I now feel that asking why is useless and a total waste of time and effort. There are things that would be more difficult to explain and we should refuse to rub more salt on the wound. If forced, it's even worse to be comforted with a lie because truth is something people can't handle if emotions are still at their peak.

If the person needs to go away then let them be. If he or she comes back for good then it's meant to be.

By setting someone free, you are also setting yourself free.

Experience is indeed the best teacher and for a person like me who experienced a lot of heartbreaks, I am slowly understanding the dynamics of breaking up and how to handle it better than the last time. Don't get me wrong, there is no easy antidote to survive a break-up but the process to heal and move on are the same. Time may vary but still the heart is resilient and it is always able to love again.

I will always have an optimistic side of break-ups because I know I am able to learn from all the experiences and challenges especially on learning more about myself.

I love the honesty of Sam Smith's song "Too Good at Goodbyes".

I know you're thinkin' I'm heartless
I know you're thinkin' I'm cold
I'm just protectin' my innocence
I'm just protectin' my soul

So closure may or may not be needed because a break-up either good or bad, all it takes is a strong-willed heart to realize that above anything else, there's always HOPE as long as we're alive.