Equanimity word chosen by 
It is difficult to be a fair person, but it is not impossible, it is all about determination and control of knowing how to be fair even if it is not in our favor.
Since I was little I come from really painful situations, but that I manage to cope with and manage the pain, which is exactly what equanimity means, a person who accepts what happens and tries to be emotionally stable, who seeks the right even when all around him. environment is negative and keeps control in adversity without getting carried away by emotions.
At the age of 9 my parents decide to separate and my father wins my custody, something unfair in every way, but I had to accept it, it was difficult, I did not receive love or attention, but I always tried to keep my sanity and respect.
At 17 I got pregnant with my first daughter (I no longer know what concept you will have of me) but nevertheless despite how much was pointed out to me, I raised my daughter (Alexandra) from that age I started working and always looking for something best.
I continued my story without grudges, with a positive mind, it was not easy but I remained emotionally stable.
After this life continued to be a bit hard and unfair, my father created the biggest disappointments in my life, my brother, my only brother, has been my fiercest enemy, as you are reading him, it is not that beautiful story of a older brother, who cares for and loves his younger sister… no that has never happened and will never happen.
But I have never held a grudge against him, nor have I wished him ill, on the contrary I try to be fair, if he is within my means, he is helped with something without him knowing, if I know he is right, I try to be as fair as possible
And for this attitude I have always been criticized, for continuing to love my dad despite so many disappointments and for being fair to my brother even though he has never been fair to me.
I consider myself an equanimous person, in the sense of the definition, of being fair, since life treated me very hard in many aspects, but it did not pay anyone in the same coin.
My Girl Elenita, of whom I spoke in another post, also had a strong history, I suffered violence throughout the pregnancy, I practically lived locked up during the first months, I managed to escape from all that chaos, thanks to a person who decided to help me ... Her father biological never wanted her, he doesn't even know her, but I met a person in a very strange way ...
My husband, who we struck up a great friendship and accepted me with my 2 girls and my past, understanding that it is not how people see it, but how my life story really happened, mistakes and failures, but I continued living being the most positive possible, he loved my daughters from the first day and here he continues, being a great father for them.
I had the opportunity to perhaps take revenge on that person who hurt me so much, the one who locked me up, hit me, insulted me and even tried to do worse things to me, the one who abandoned his little girl, now life has put it on me like many they say on a silver platter, I have the opportunity, yes I want to, to make him pay a sentence of up to 5 years in prison ...
But there is a detail.
He has a family now, he has little ones who depend on him, he has a home where perhaps they don't know about his cruel past, some children who think that his father is an example… What would you do?
I thought about it a lot, but it seemed unfair to those children, damaging their feelings, breaking their beliefs, finding out about the garbage of a man that was their father ... I consider it unfair to them..
I have come to the conclusion that despite everything, we cannot live haunted by hatred and resentment, there are very unfair things in this life.
But we cannot be the same as the others, because we would fall into the same personality, I know you will say that I am stupid, that I am not equanimous but a weak woman for not avenging what was done to me in the past.
But for me being fair implies seeing beyond the main reason, it is true, that he deserves everything that is being offered to me legally, but his children? Those innocent kids deserve it too? They did not ask to come to this world ... It does not seem fair to ruin what they have today, my emotional state was affected at some point, but then everything stabilized and today I am fully happy, my family is beautiful and I have a wonderful husband who is my friend, my confidant, my accomplice, 10 years in which we have lived to the fullest ...
So I decided to be fair with those children, their father changed at some point in his life, it is true that he cannot erase what he did, it is true that it caused a lot of pain, but it is over ... And those children have happiness, so I decided not to save resentment, take everything passively, the lawyers got some arrangements, you must now pay for some things, you will not have any right to know her (totally not that you want to, you know you were never a father) but you must pay some sums that are required for abuse and other types of legal actions, the situation is not the best in this pandemic and I know that his children should eat as well, so he has been allowed little by little to pay his debt so that he does not get hurt or lack food and shelter for those innocent children.
Equanimity, says that they are people who are capable of making correct decisions in the midst of any adversity, also equanimity allows a person to lead a balanced life.
Today I feel my life is stable and balanced, I do not regret anything, I do not attach myself to anything, I accept the circumstances and I try to be as fair as possible when making a decision, taking a balance in everything and comparing the advantages and disadvantages of what happens.
Life is sometimes not fair, but you must try to be a person who carries a positive message, we do not gain anything, living from the past, the balance is in the correct decisions you make, with an open mind and without feelings of revenge.
This is my entry into the word of the week contest, as always, words that lead to vivid reflections.
