If there is one thing I loathe, it's shopping!

It doesn't matter which type of shopping it is, be it food shopping, clothes shopping or whatever!

Why do I hate it?

The people! They just get in my way!

I shall tell you about them. The types of shoppers!

The zombie

The type who have no idea what they are doing out there in the wild jungle of shoppage. They slowly move and hover around you just getting in your way as if they can smell the hate for shopping pumping through your veins, the sweat from your brow shining and acting like a signal for help.

The confused

These ones can be dangerous, they can dart from one side of you over to the next as if to try and trip you up, frantic and puzzled they will bump into you, they will make you bump into others and they will turn up at every aisle. Some say they were sent to piss me off.

The chatty

Ahh they who seek to stand between you and the only way out towards home, away from the stampede of shoppers clinging onto your skin like the itchy rash that won't go away.
They stop to chat to long lost acquaintances or randoms, just to have small talk that they feel they must involve me and my life, my time and for the love of God my patience.
"Excuse me" isn't something these people recognise, oh no no no, you have to squeeze yourself between them and the two inches of space available. They suck all space up like a black hole sucks stars up.
The only form of communication they recognize outside of their black hole death suck, is you physically touching them to get past them, and then they look at you with disgust as if you are some kind of sexual pervert breathing down their neck.

The clan

The mother or father, rarely seen together but will always have at least 8 of their small pests running around your legs like a swarm of paranha. Very similar to a swarm of paranha so be safe around these clans. It will be a bloody fight to get the hell out of their way.

The slow

The old still living their youth by crawling through shops at snails pace, always walking arm in arm to slow the youth and the shopping haters down.
Even the clan are afraid of them and its the only time you will see the mother or father reel the young paranha in.
The slow can come in handy for those who do enjoy a shopping trip but other than that, we can all be afraid of the slow as they stubbornly always shop on a Saturday and not on a day where its quiet during the week.

Stay safe out there Steemians!

Thanks Steemit for being my place of vent.

@sheeshkababage

Credits - giphy.com