Put Yourself First For Change
The idea of putting ourselves first can be a daunting one for many. We don't want to seem like we are narcissistic, arrogant or greedy to others.
That's not what I am talking about here though.
What I am talking about is ensuring that our needs are met while also being of maximum benefit to both ourselves and others.
It's about making meaningful changes in our lives if we feel stuck when things aren't going the way we planned.
People Pleasing At Your Expense
Some societies consider this basic manners, like in a Japanese tea ceremony, or the practice pouring saké for your friend before yourself.
There's also the parable of the good Samaritan who stops to help someone by the side of the road, after others ignore him and the Samaritan is rewarded for his kindness.
Superheroes and religious icons permeate our cultural landscape as paragons of virtue and perpetuate moral standards from generation to generation.
On the surface, this seems all well and good if there is reciprication and everyone is onboard.
There is a danger though of helping people that either physically cannot or actively refuse to help themselves at the expense of your own mental, physical and financial health.
I am not talking those who have genuine disabilities, illnesses or are elderly, but those who have learned helplessness or are genuinely emotionally toxic.
A few years ago I made the mistake of being a white knight, wanting to "rescue a damsel in distress". It's a long story, but she turned out to have borderline personality traits.
I sacrificed money and even aspects of my personality, like my sense of humour, etc. in order to placate her and I even offered to be an emotional anchor when her emotions started to disregulate. I will never do this again.
There is far more to that situation but for my own mental health I won't revisit it here, but it's the primary reason for my shift in life focus.
Learn about toxic people and relationships and distance yourself from them. You cannot help those people; you can only direct them to seek professional mental health services and wash your hands of the situation. It's a harsh life lesson.
Protect your emotions.
Put Your Finances First
We all need money, especially now that we are in a state of greedflation.
Inflation is not caused by governments, but mostly by corporate price gauging and right now it's out of control.
To counter this, I have started reading books on finance. Most are nonsense and scammy, but there are few good ones and it's worth implementing their suggestions.
One of those suggestions is to have multiple bank accounts dedicated to long term investments and every day expenses.
I say "Yes!" to work when it's offered because right now it's sporadic and it's not covering my rent.
Most people don't need more money, they need to stop wasting their income on useless nonsense.
I'm putting my hand up and admitting to doing this as well. I really need to reduce my spending drastically.
In terms of finance, I have multiple bank accounts with different purposes. Money set aside for bills, savings, projects, etc. I aslo have a small amount of money automatically directed to my savings each fortnight.
It's a good idea to plug any financial leaks you might have too.
I am also slowly investing more towards my retirement.
Invest In Yourself
Last year I started to look my barriers to employment.
These were things like not having a driver's licence (long story) and needing various certificates to work in various environments. It can also mean facing fears, challenging self doubt and trying something new.
Late last year I did an RSA course (Responsible Service Of Alcohol), which lead to work during various sporting events behind the bar. It can be a zen job when people are behaving themselves and I can make a few jokes and lighten the mood somewhat.
A driver's licence would be an expensive exercise, and I'd need a steady, reliable income before I took that on.
But it opens up all sorts of employment opportunities that don't exist without it.
I've also considered doing courses in gaming (gambling) or becoming a barista (making coffee).
There's a demand for these things apparently.
Ultimately it's about a potential employer saying "yes" instead of "no".
Put Your Health First
Everyone knows the basics, eating healthier and moving your body more.
And it doesn't have to cost the Earth!
Ignore anything "organic", it's a scam. The organic industry used the fear and ignorance of "gmo foods" to jack up the prices of their alternatives. All foods are genetically modified, it
Broccoli is broccoli, so paying less for it is smarter.
Frozen veggies are the cheapest and they don't lose nutrients in the process.
You don't need a gym membership to work out.
You can buy adjustable dumbells and work out at home. Lighter weights are great for repetition and protecting the ligaments / joints from damage. (You won't bulk up unless you lift heavier weights but it depends on your individual goals.)
Being able to lift heavy objects, repeatedly, can lead to more work or just being more useful to others in general. Opening jars comes to mind.
The real benefit of going to a gym, if you choose to, is having a professional personal trainer teach you how to use the equipment and evercise properly.
Depending on your budget, this could be a sound investment. Ensuring your physical safety is putting yourself first.
Walking, jogging and running are free.
Put Your Appearance First
This isn't about being superficial, it's about doing little things that make you feel good about yourself and having pride in your appearance.
Little things like showering, using deoderant, and even getting dressed every day might seem trivial but they
can be a challenge if you suffer from depression. It's worth fighting through the mental fog against apathy.
The same can go for wearing make up or beard maintenance, whatever your preference.
Right now, I have three days worth of facial growth but I stopped it from getting too scruffy.
I'll probably be clean shaven tomorrow. I have work on Friday and while it's not a requirement, I'd just feel more professional for doing so.
Changes You Can Expect
When you start putting yourself, and your needs first, there will be some opposition. Initially it might be from your own mind with negative self talk or self doubt.
Then will be those whom you no longer resonate with who will suddenly distance themselves from you in the form of ghosting, possibly even with open hostility.
In general, you'll have more money for yourself if you're saving and investing it. You might even seek out forms of employment that you find less stressful and more inline with your values. New skills lead to better job prospects and a sense of accomplishment.
People treat you better when you're happier and more confident. You can change the mood of entire room towards the positive.
Anyway, I'm off for a walk.
Thank you for reading.
Shaidon
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These posts can take several hours, and sometimes days to compose and edit. I do not use A.I.
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