Sometimes when looking back on things that I thought was important once upon a time, I sorta see myself in a new light.
You can view yourself as a new person even, and that guy from way back then is a stranger. Stranger still ... we find that old person to be unrecognizable. Like a shadow of yourself, or a dream that may or may not have occurred a long time ago. I feel like that could be a sign of progress in a way, much like the metamorphosis of the butterfly. Its a strange thought really, did you know that butterflies remember their lives as a caterpillar? If that doesn't sound crazy you haven't read about the process of changing to a butterfly. I mean the little caterpillar excretes stomach acids and basically digests itself in a process that leaves behind an organic cellular slurry of sorts. The cells must then reorganize themselves into the form of the butterfly.
You see... Its only after destroying itself that this brand new creature can emerge.
My life BEFORE my kids are basically a memory to me, in having them join us in life I found that my old painful memories destroy themselves to make room for every joy they fill my life with. I can barely remember my old self at times, its like struggling to remember an old friendly face, or restaurant that I used to waste time in. I find that instead of thinking about the future, I find myself remembering when my son first started walking 5 years ago. Or the first time my 2 year old daughter said daddy.
I sit in my chair looking at my youngest at this very moment, today a 1 year old little girl bundled in her favorite blanket drifting off to sleep. Shes one today for the very first time, and all I can remember is life with my kids in this moment. Everything else before these moments are gracefully becoming the memories of an old stranger.
From a young man, I am father...