There is so much emphasis on family togetherness; those who either can't be with family or don't have family are objects of pity. Do they feel sorry for themselves? In some cases, I'm sure they do. Others, like my brother, prefer it that way. As a mother, I look forward to having all of my children plus my granddaughter all in the house at once, and I also dread it. Is that shocking? Let me see if I can explain myself.
The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to feel comfortable in a crowd. Yes, seven people in the house at once feels crowded now, even though there used to be five of us here all the time. Right now we're down to three who live here, so seven is more than double the usual. For me, that qualifies as a crowd.
Also, the older I get, the more difficult it is for me to focus on a conversation when there are several conversations going on at once in the same room or area. I get distracted by bits and pieces that drift to my ear from around the room, and I can't concentrate on the person to whom I am trying to speak.
My youngest has sometimes brought along the current boyfriend, most of whom were abusive nincompoops, which made the day awkward for all of us. This year the current abusive model and his two sons (both sick with the flu) are dining at his mother's house, and so is my daughter, who isn't feeling well, either.
My three children did not get along beautifully when they were young. I remember only rare squabbles with my nearest-in-age sister when I was growing up (the older two siblings were too much older than I for squabbling), so the frequent bickering of my own offspring baffled me completely. I blamed it on their dad's genes and did my best to train them out of it, with mixed results. Now that they are all adults, they get along quite well, yet certain topics can get arguments started. (My son-in-law and my son have been known to exchange opposite views at great length.) The bottom line is that the "fun and fellowship" part of the day isn't always fun, and sometimes doesn't qualify as true fellowship.
And yet, as a mother, I still love having all of my children together. It's not exactly like it was when they were little, and in some ways that's a good thing, yet there is something special about having everyone home at once.
Last Sunday there was a tragic automobile accident just a few miles away, involving a married couple and their two little girls. The father died on impact, and the older daughter died yesterday. The mother and younger daughter are hurting in many ways. What sort of Thanksgiving Day are they having this year? Planning funerals? Calling life insurance companies? Calling auto insurance companies? Doing laundry and folding clothes that will never again be worn by the owner? It puts my own small troubles in perspective. Bring on the arguments! Bring on the noise! Bring on the crowd!
But today there will only be the three of us who live here. Our married daughter is hosting Thanksgiving dinner for her husband's side of the family at her house, and 17 people in her modest house would be 'WAY too many for my husband and me to handle! So the three of them will come here on Saturday afternoon for a visit and a meal together. The youngest daughter will turn up for a visit eventually, after she gets well. I've learned to be flexible, and to roll with the punches, especially when it comes to family get-togethers. Today I am simply thankful we are all alive, even though we are not all together.
