You will agree with me that loving someone deeply and having someone love you is among the most beautiful things of life. However, some people often think that you have to shrink yourself or even lose your entire existence just to prove that you love someone. Any love that will require you to lose yourself is no longer love. Love is meant to bring joy, support, and growth when it is healthy. You do not need to abandon your identity because you love someone. It is true that you are to love deeply and to give your heart to someone, but you also have to stay true to yourself. That is, you need to strike a balance between connection and individuality.
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A lot of people enter relationship with the mindset that love is proven by making sacrifices at all cost. While it is okay to make compromises, what is not okay is to completely erase yourself. For example, you do not have to give up on your life's dreams, freedom, and values, simply because you are in love. Real love will not even require you to become smaller or to shrink yourself, rather it will support and encourage you to become more of who you truly are. That is, love is not supposed to make you smaller, rather it should make you grow. When you keep your sense of self and of value, you will bring a fuller and better version of yourself into the relationship or friendship. This is love.
You have to understand that knowing yourself is a major foundation to love deeply without losing yourself. This means that you need to understand your identity, understand your values, goals, emotions, boundaries, needs, and worth. When you understand all these, you will not accept treatment that will hurt you, or the one that will make you to settle for less. Understand that boundaries are not walls, they are actually very healthy because they protect your sanity and your peace. All these help you to love deeply without being drained or controlled by it, and without having to become invisible yourself.
Another foundation to loving deeply without losing yourself is maintaining your independence. Love should not replace every other thing about your life. That you are to love does not mean that you are to forgo every other thing. After all, love is meant to add to you and to make you grow, not to replace your entire world. You should still have your personal aspirations, goals, interests, and even passion. When your happiness depends entirely on someone else without putting yourself in the equation, you may discover that the happiness will be short-lived. The truth is that two people coming together to create a stronger bond is far better than just one person depending on the other to feel complete. Independence in love is what leads to respect, trust, and creates room for growth.
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Loving deeply without losing yourself is also built on communication. When you learn how to communicate your needs, preferences, and feelings, you will also teach the other party how to love you as well. Silence may feel like peace at the moment, but it may eventually erode your happiness and even your voice. If you communicate your needs well, you will be surprised how the love will be able to flow naturally. Someone who loves you genuinely will also respect your requests, they will also respect your needs. However, they will not know the needs until you have communicated them. Speaking up for yourself in a relationship or a friendship is not an act of selfishness, rather it is an act of self-respect.
It is worthy to note that your self-worth is not dependent on the love you get from others, because your value is already complete. Love is not meant to define your life or complete you, rather love is meant to complement you. When you go into a relationship with this mindset, you will look for a partner that will shows up for you and respects you. Being able to love without losing yourself is not having to choose between love and self. Rather it is about honouring the both of them. That is, you are not sacrificing one for another, you are making a conscious choice of both.
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