What I really know

The kardashians, pizzagate, presidents, taylor swift...these things are not mainstream news...they are propaganda and misleading and I am tired of hearing about it.

I wanted to be the change I want to see so I decided to post happy and joyful and meaningful blogs about my ever changing life. The many ups and downs that I have experienced in the past 47 years really seemed book worthy. So now I blog
I feel like now, right this minute, I am the happiest person I have ever been and I keep getting happier. I post constant positive and reassuring comments to my friends and family. I am no longer struggling to say happy things. My heart is happy and content.
I wasn't always this way. I have thought a great deal about my past 10 years of illness and I realized that I did it to myself. I created 4 tumors. I survived 4 tumors. Each one more frightening than the last. As I sit here now I realize that I didn't want to even live back then.. I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage and work life. My body was out of shape and I pushed myself too hard but, my subconsceious had a different path to take me on. It had other plans. I guess after 1 marriage, some kids, lots of education and crazy ups and downs, I feel entitled to say that I was so happy to get each tumor! Every time, it opened my mind up to more and more about my mental state.
I felt horrible as a teen, anxiety and depression. I felt horrible as a mom, no patience for bullshit. I felt horrible as a wife. Just not happy. So, I kept feeding that monster. I fed it so much that it made my body sick...Really sick. I truly wasn't interested in being around much longer. Until two years ago. That's the time that I almost lost my husband to heart failure. I was going through 1 more tumor surgery. Fuck. Fun times.
I looked at my love, my rock and saw a man that was so scared and broken and hurting. He fought every single minute until he was strong enough to carry me around. I was his reason to fight so hard. That sunk deep into my soul and he and I have been so happy and excited about life again. I felt something so much deeper than love during the months of his recovery. I cared about him too much to ever give up on myself again. I needed to get happy no matter what it took! Fast forward to today where my man and I have been free and clear of any illness for over 2 years. I realized I was kidding myself about what was making me sick...nothing on the outside. Nobody was doing this to me. It was me. I was toxic.

Toxic words. Toxic thoughts. Toxic foods.

Just putting in and containing so much unhappiness breeds more sickness. I get that now. I have a second chance to make things a billion times better and I am. I have chickens, a loving husband, stable kids, great health and a new outlook on everything. It's like the veil was lifted and I am now awake to happiness. It was always in me, I just never let it out. I have never laughed as much as I have in the past year. I live each day in love. I forgive everyone for everything. I am only here to experience life in the best way I can. This is your right too. It's a gift we all have. To go out and do the things that make you happy. Pull yourself out of sickness and sadness. Try really hard to be loving. I am not kidding you when I say it is miraculous. It feels like I don't have a mask on anymore. I can be me and I can be genuine.

Well, remember I was doing an experiment about putting positivity out there. I can say that I am probably $500 richer from Steemit just by posting positive and loving posts and comments. Facebook is difficult to crack through to happiness but if you block the shit ...it stays away.

I was gonna add pictures and stuff but nah.

Thanks for the love and I hope you have a fantastic life!