Sometimes it's strange to be so deeply trapped in a situation that you can't even see it. Hidden deep in the darkest chambers of your mind, you see it. or do you? All your defense mechanisms suppress it. Very good. So good, in fact, that it ceases to exist. To you.
Sometimes, a dazzlingly bright light will brighten things up. But it is not a warm, welcoming light, but a painfully painful light like lightning – very brief, but very harsh – and gives you relief when you are gone. And the quiet darkness returns. Calmness. Just the way you like it.
Sometimes the eyes open. And you see pieces of things. But there is a persistent fog of confusion and disorientation. So your brain rejects what your eyes see. that can not be right. It must be an illusion.
Hide under the dark, quiet blanket of peace.
and live there. As far as possible.
It's amazing what the brain can do. The story that can tell us. This creates "reality" for us. Everything so that we don't have to look. To see that **** reality. Even when our eye catches a glimpse, the brain explains it. Keeps that blanket tightly pressed.
So, sometimes we have "silent difficulties," but we are in such deep denial, that we, ourselves, are not even fully aware of them. We see things. Of course. We are not really blind. But we just change the narrative, so that we don't have to face the real reality. It is much easier to refuse and hope that it will all be well than to do something about it.
And therein lies the problem. If you talk about this "difficulty", it becomes real. And once real, it must be acted upon. So, the preferred method is to keep it silent. tell no one. If you can convince others that everything is good and normal, then maybe it really is??? You tell yourself so. If all the intelligent people around me can't see it, it can't be real.
End.
And for many, that is the end. They choose to keep pulling that blanket over themselves, no matter how many times it stops temporarily.
After years of being like this, we know how to pull that blanket back on us. no matter what. No matter how much that blanket shrinks, we always find a way to cover ourselves with it. We are experts.
And the silent difficulty continues indefinitely.
But if you are lucky, you will find someone who will be your light. There is someone who will gently hold your hand and lead you from darkness to light. Someone who waits patiently while you struggle to watch. And struggle to understand what you see. Someone who is steadfast in your support, even in the face of great risk to yourself. Someone who cares for you quietly and supports you without any ulterior motives nor achieves itself. A person who gives even gets a small reward.
It is indescribable to have such a presence in one's life.
And for that reason, I could not answer this question till now. Because I went after years (decades) of denial to feel the loving embrace of someone who supports and cares for me. He is leading my journey from the darkness of denial to the light of vision that is not only somewhat bearable, but possible in the first place. Because the truth is, the journey would never have started if it hadn't been for this very special person who helped open my eyes.
And for them, hardly any words can come to express my deep gratitude and love.
So, for everyone who faces "silent difficulty", I wish you the gift of a "someone" with whom you can share your situation. A person who will not judge you, but will help and support you. There is a true blessing of God for such people.
Thanks:-)
