The Next Painting Will Be a World of Difference 2025. Acrylic on cardboard, 11 x 14"
Elon Musk has 500 billion dollars and is poised to triple that number in the next few years. Bangladesh has a population of 175 million people. It’s total GDP is Elon Musk’s bank account. The human population of earth 2,000 years ago was approximately the same as today’s Bangladesh. If Musk was a recent memory, while Judeo-Christian texts were getting scribed, he would be the dancing death diety welcoming thieves, murderers and rapists into Sheol, as well as the creeping terror-fiend, Wendigo, haunting villagers along the shores of Lake Huron, the gesticulating lunatic Mbwiri of the African rainforest, and the Aoyin Demon with a taste for human brains devouring children along the upper Yangtze—the devil of all worlds then, today incarnated as a Doritos cheese billionaire smoking a fatty with a certified bore of the millionaire class.
I repel the farting demon Musk with a plan to make him break down, and return his unearned Hell-wealth back to the good people of everywhere.
Here it is:
Key every Tesla you walk by, pass it on. And if it’s a Tesla parked in the dark, take your sweet time until the alarm sounds, keying up and down, side to side, trunk to hood... As a middle school degenerate, I was pretty good at minor vandalism. Rocks thrown through factory windows, tipping garbage cans, spray painting mall walls, keying the bully cars in the high school parking lot. I think I could get better at it now with practice on the shipping container-loads of Teslas arriving at the expense of life. Spread the word. Key the cars! Do not let Elon Musk realize his trillion dollar package. Join the movement. Let the people know that if they buy a Tesla, their feel good toy gets keyed in broad daylight, or worse. But no slashing tires please. I don’t condone violence with knives. Anyway, it defeats the point—the rubber’s not the Tesla. No sugar in the gas tank either, of course. It’s an electric car! Still, there are lots of wires to snip. Red ones, blue ones, black! So snip away my fellow innocents. Do it for Bangladesh. Do it for your kids and their air getting hotter. Combat the noisy throes of global warming with the crying moans of a recently impoverished garbage dumpster of a human being. If this catches on, it’ll be impossible to police all the petty crime bringing putrid Musk another day closer to death and a lifetime away from his monumental greed expectations. Who will want to buy a car that’s a target for vandalism? A chevy Nova sold poorly in Spanish speaking countries because it said in literal translation “It don’t go”. Who knew that Tesla was not only the electrified genius to exponentially hasten humanity’s doom, but also the Bengali word for “Oops, my key is out of control”?
After the Teslas, onto Toyotas, Fords and GMC’s! Key all the cars of capitalism and walk to the chicken farmer with a gunny sack to bag the holiday feast centerpiece. We’ve got to shrink the footprint. Frugal is the new black. The United States carbon belching per capita is 25 times more putrefied than that of Bangladesh. The city of Los Angeles with less than half the population of Dhaka, has 500,000 registered Teslas. Dhaka has six. It’s not too late to key all the Teslas of Dhaka before pushing them into the Buriganga along with the rest of industrial sewage caused by Muslims forgetting Islam. Greed is human, not national. But even if the decks are stacked and the house will win, the gamblers still come to play in desperation. Burn the house down and the gamblers disperse. I pity Bangladesh, because just like Americans, its people do not want to be themselves, which has been the bane of modern humankind since the Lowell mill managers wage-slaved the daughters of the American experiment. According to the new, nearly world-wide education, everybody wants to be a millionaire. The Elon Musks are hydra-headed because the system we learn and lean into feeds and cares for the needs of demons. Don’t feed the monsters and the monsters die. But if it’s too much for you and me to be born again into a hopeful society, then just key the master’s steel babies before they eat our brains out entirely.
