Hate or Criticism? How to deal with it?

If I was asked what was a one liner advice that truly changed my perspective towards life and work, it would be the words of Dakota Meyer. This is how they go: “Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from”.

As a content creator, blogger, photographer and sometimes also for just being a woman, the amount of hate and backlash I have received for simply freely posting what I like is saddening.

I have been told that it was not my cup of tea to create videos. I was asked to not post my voice because it sounded like I was shrieking. Despite all the positive comments and appreciation, at the end of the day it would be just that one hate comment stuck in my head. That one person who would despise my work with or without a valid reason succeeded to ruin my day.

Now that I think of it, I believe it was because I was unable to filter the responses. I believe it was just because I could not differentiate hate from constructive criticism. Now these are two different concepts and should never be clubbed together or confused between.

From what I understand, hate comments is a type of criticism too – an ugly destructive form of criticism. Now in order to deal with criticism in a manner that helps you, first you need to learn how to distinguish between the good and bad types of criticism.

So then, what are the types?
Criticism can widely be classified into two forms – Constructive Criticism and Destructive Criticism.

Let’s look at Constructive Criticism-
When a person criticizes you or your work for a valid reason for improvement, it can be termed to be constructive in nature. This is good criticism and is healthy as it helps you to acknowledge what you are doing wrong and you can therefore work at being better at the task. This is mostly when someone points out the errors you make with an intention of fixing it. This type of criticism is when the critic only wishes for you to excel at what you do and is helping you understand the issues.

How do you react to this?
Once you are sure that the critic is trying to guide you and understand what they are trying to convey, you can easily spot where you are wrong and correct it. Even if it hurts a bit, it helps in growth.

How do you identify Destructive Criticism?
If you are told something very negative that has no other intention other than bringing you down it is likely to be hate speech. This is basically destructive and offensive comments that could be harmful. This can include irrational insults on basis of looks, caste, physical attributes, disabilities etc.

How do you deal with this?
The best thing to do with these awful comments is to simply give them a cold shoulder. These remarks are of absolutely no use and will do you no good to think about them. It is important that you realise you have to learn to brush off the unnecessary in order to grow. There will always be people looking for chances to bully others and it is not your job to worry about the mean things they say. So it is best to discard these comments completely.

This is where the words of Dakota Meyer I mentioned above come in to play. You need to understand this – someone who has faintly any idea about what you do cannot be a good judge of the same. It could be a random stranger on the internet who cannot draw a straight line saying how your art is not worth it or your neighbour who says you will never become a successful entrepreneur. If they are someone you wouldn’t go to for advice, then accepting their criticism makes no sense either.

Facing rude comments sure hurts. But what is something you can do to make a change?
Start with yourself. Everyone has opinions. I know you do too. But there’s always an option to filter it or tweak it a little to make expressing your opinion useful to the others. So how do you create a change?

1. While criticizing someone, check whether the opinion you are putting forward is advice or just a negative comment. As they say, not saying anything is better than saying something hurtful. For example – If you don’t like someone’s tattoos, there’s absolutely nothing constructive possible by telling them that you don’t like them. So just keep that opinion to yourself unless it is asked for.
2. If the way you were about to express it seems rude, try rephrasing it in such a way that the other person understands the error. For example – If you spot a mistake an orator is making, you could just mention it to them instead of passing a hateful comment about how bad his speech went.
3. Always make sure to add how the person could improve. For example - If you are trying to tell a co-worker that his marketing strategy is possibly going to fail, also let him know what he is doing wrong and where he could correct it.

That's all for today's post. I really hope this post was of help and was worth your time.

Sources for both images included -
Pinterest - Dakota Meyer
Pinterest - Frank Clark