Oh god look I have had that moment tonight. Jamie is away for the weekend and I've just been for a surf to try to get the blood moving a little and just kept saying f*** I just want to go home and drink a bottle of wine and anesthetize. Give me anything to stop feeling this deep discomfort. But I'm sitting in the bath with a cup of herbal tea and I've made myself a tofu stir fry for dinner with broccoli from the garden and I'm going to drink lots of water and nourish myself. If that's not adult. I don't know what f****** is.

I know you know that Lily is looked after and that she is a resilient little kid. But that doesn't help you much when you love her so much that you just want her in your life. No wonder you are spiralling. Vent away here. It's what we're here for on Hive. In 8 years I've seen so many people spiral and come back out better for it. Sometimes it lasts for months and months if not longer and then one day they just appear lighter. It's the loveliest thing. S*** I should listen to my own advice. Really. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

In solidarity
Xx