Aaaaaaaaaggghhhhh. If I could swear here I would, but saying fuckety fuckety fuck fuck is no way to start a blog post, is it?

Some of you may remember my complaints about a chiropractor dho was going to charge me a fortune to "fix" my hip pain. After that I got an ultrasound and got a more accurate diagnosis: gluteal tendonopathy. Here is Chat GPT giving you a definition, because I'm too depressed today to write it in my own words:

Gluteal tendinopathy is a condition affecting the tendons of the gluteal muscles, typically caused by overuse, repetitive stress, or poor biomechanics. It results in hip pain that can range from mild discomfort to severe, sharp pain, making walking, sitting, or climbing stairs difficult. Treatment involves rest, therapy, and exercises.

Has SUP surfing caused repetitive stress in my hip? Will I ever surf again? Sob!

Turns out it's super common in woman my age due to a drop in oestrogen which affects your tendons. Why did no one tell me this? I feel woman should be give at least a warning brochure. Could I have done something about it? I could have prevented it getting worse, taken collagen supplements, saved myself a penny trying to diagnose it. Either way I'm having a big wallow today, including sobbing into my pillow....

Why it's so difficult for me is that I like to be active. I'm not a marathon runner, but I surf and garden and do yoga and surf. Because you're told you can do this into your old age, and that it's good for your mental health, and so on. Then you get something like this, and it's don't. No surfing. No walking. No gardening. Lay down, ice, rest. And maybe with some exercises to strengthen the hip, you might be good in eight to twelve weeks or eighteen months or maybe that's just it now, good luck with the next twenty years of degeneration.

Slaps self.

Reminds self of Series 11 of Alone.

Because the winner, Labradorite William, was a legend of overcoming adversity through a positive mindset. Every time his thoughts turned to darkness, he would just refocus. Kudos to Dub and Timber for nearly making it too, but William's positivity is what I need to motivate me here in my own arctic winter.

Yet - and here's the negative voice - how am I meant to do this without the activity I would normally turn to to get through something like this? And at a time I'm about to lose a parent?

Okay, feeling raw, vulnerable and confessional here.

I'm not talking to the camera with ice on my beard, but I'm talking to you.

I'll get through it, once I get some sun on my face and walk despondently about the garden. I'll do the exercises. I'll find an encouraging physio. I've ordered some collagen. I'll on my tough girl shirt. I'll smile. I'll be grateful for life. I'll be grateful for my extraordinary husband who is my rock at times like this. I'll draw on my personal resources I've used at other times in my life.

The winter will pass.

But for now, as I write, I'm fuckety fucking fuckety fuck pissed off.