Lately I've been referring to my father as 'ghost dad'. It's kinda fun I suppose, a counter to the sadness of his absence, but also in a way that makes him more present. If I can just have a brief conversation with my imaginary Dad, I can then move on to other things.

Yesterday (which is probably the day before Christmas Eve, when I'm writing this - wait - wibbly wobbly timey wimey - what time is it for *YOU?) the conversation started when I brought my new surfboard home, sat it on the floor, took a photo, and went to send it to Dad and give him a call. Fuck. How long will I do this for? Hopefully forever, because I love Ghost Dad. If I don't do it, I've forgotton him.

I got the board custom shaped by Babel Surfboards, a guy called Luca Rossi who's local to town (though originally Italian) and brings an intelligent, thoughtful approach to everything he does. He knew exactly what I wanted, and talked me through the whole process and came up with a design I was happy with. It's a 9.6, 23 1/4 - perfect for the conditions of a particular break I surf at all the time.

I was too busy to really make full on decisions about the board colour and I was going to get a whale illustration but in the end I couldn't decide and just sent him a few greens I liked. This is what he came up with and honestly I couldn't be happier!

Dad would have loved the whole process. Although I always worry about spending money, he would have told me not to be an idiot and you can't take it with you when you die. Ironic - he left me two boards. I sold one I didn't like much which went toward this. It feels like a Christmas present from Dad - what more can I ask for, this Christmas? IT's even a very Christmassy green! He had left me a small amount of money - not a lot, and it's almost all gone on bills - so I wanted to have something beautiful he would have loved too. He always loved surfing and I have a ton of photos of him with various boards over the years. I like to think he is looking down on me, though I know that's all bullshit.

Ghost Dad is a figment of my mind. I'm okay with that. It's me that keeps him alive, however I choose to do that. And if it's by buying a new surfboard I might not ever ride (fuck you, hips!) so be it.

I won't ride it til Feb when I get back from Tassie and the crowds are gone, but I'll be sure to tell you about it then.

Hope you have all had a beautiful Christmas, not got sucked into drama, and told the people you love that you love them. If you haven't, go do it now.