How Much Sleep Do You Really Need?
'So how much sleep do I really need?' is a question I've lost plenty of sleep over when I'm grossly exaggerating. Truth be told, I was going to go with a more exciting topic to explore following a rather long hiatus, but after discovering every second post on here is already covering 'What your horoscope can tell you about the color of your boogers', I decided to go with this instead. I figured that while the subject matter may be a bit dull, I could at least post a scantily clad blond girl in bed and click bait the fuck out of this thing; as long as I remember to do so when picture searching for this article after finishing the write up.
Finally finished writing this thing! Now, I was meant to do something here...can't quite recall what...oh well
What's The Optimal Amount of Sleep?
While the average person spends roughly 24 years of their life asleep, some of us spend a further 24 years watching other people sleep through a pair of binoculars generally held one handed and the remaining 24 years behind bars. Considering we spend so much of our lives in this state, what does sleep actually do for our minds at a neurological level? And why did so many species evolve such a necessity when it doesn't seem to confer any survival or reproductive advantage? These are the types of questions I would be answering here had I bothered doing more research than I could be assed. So for now, lets just stick to the simple shit.
The National Sleep Foundation recommends adults get 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Well damn, if only there was a number between 7 and 9, the brilliant scientists over at the National Sleep Foundation could have used that instead. This result is consistent with the finding that people should be awake roughly 15-17 hours a day made by The National Staying Awake Foundation, as well as with a paper concluding that the number of hours in a day remains to be approximately 24 in a report released by The National How Many Hours Are There In A Day Again? Foundation.
But what happens when you don't get the right amount of sleep?
What are the Effects of Sleep Deprivation?
Me leave you gift in litter box, me is sleep now, me leave gift in you bed later
Studies have shown that for most of us, getting even a slight shortage of sleep can greatly reduce cognitive functioning. For example, getting only 6 hours of sleep a day for 2 weeks lowers your reaction time and attention span to that of someone with a blood alcohol level of 0.1% (which is roughly a third of the way between tipsy and shitfaced). This is perhaps why White House staff worry about Trump's late night tweeting tendencies, as the President is likely to suffer the same mental impairments caused by sleep deprivation as the rest of us, but from a significantly lower natural starting position to begin with.
Additionally, a shortage of sleep is linked to heart disease, obesity, diabetes and a plethora of other health problems. Surprisingly, research has shown that too much sleep tend to share these exact health risks; in fact, over sleeping can be more detrimental to your well being than under sleeping. I mean, if you know someone who's been asleep 24 hours a day for some time now, and has started to smell a little funny, well...do draw a mustache/glasses/cock and balls on their face, I'm sure they'd appreciate the joke when they finally wake up.
Mutants Who Walk Among Us
So far, I've only been talking about mere mortals like you and I, but there are some among us who are gifted in this realm. Scientists have isolated a gene only found in 1% of people that allows them to operate at peak mental capacity with less than 6 hours of sleep a day. Experts believe that this is evolution's answer to Bill Cosby.
I'm not one of the chosen ones and wouldn't exactly call myself a morning person either. Whenever my alarm goes off, I pick up the clock and hurl it at the crying baby, thereby, am able to buy myself another hour of snoozing if my aim is true.
How about you? Do you get enough sleep? I find the best place to catch up on some sleep is at church, although the rest of the congregation tend to get a little judgmental as I finish masturbating so my body is relaxed enough to doze off.
