On Death

Death and Existentialism

Death is absolutely the most polarizing existential issue that humans face from day to day. When someone you care about passes, it's hard to put that death into context within your STILL GOING life. It's hard to imagine that someone was going about their days like you currently are, and BAM!, they're gone. The finality of the thing is so incredibly hard to grasp. Everything we do in life seems to have a restart button, except life itself. If you quit playing a sport, you can always go back to it. If you finish your glass of water, you go and get some more. Life, however, ends and that's it. The end. Humans are not made to conceptualize these kind of absolutes. In turn, when someone passes, it becomes less about them than it is about you. You begin to think about your own mortality and whether you will leave an indelible mark on the world, or at least those around you. In my own experience, deaths that affect me deeply, end up changing my LIFE. Death changes my life.

My Experience with Death and What I Learned

When my grandfather passed away in 2012, I was on a bad path. I was selling drugs, I was getting arrested, and I was hanging with a lot of good people who made bad choices, just like me. When my grandfather passed, my life changed. I didn't care about any of that shit anymore. I cried for about a week straight and then after that, it was like I had purged myself. I wanted to make my grandfather proud. I knew he had seen the stuff I was doing and I hope that I didn't disappoint him when I was alive. I'm sure I did, but I know he still loved me. I joined that Army to escape Miami and get an education. When I would be on a long run that I didn't think I could finish, I imagined my grandfather placing his hand on my shoulder and pushing me. I changed. I didn't find utility in all of the knuckle-headed things I was doing. I only found utility in progress, in the traditional sense. Death will always be there. Death is a constant in this thing we call life. It won't go away, but you can always learn from death. The most recent death that affected me was that of an artist that produced music that I listened to habitually on my second deployment in the Army. His music affected me, and I drew parallels between myself and him. I saw his positive turn in life, as symbolism of myself changing my life back when I left Miami. His life began and ended in South Florida. It could have been me. It wasn't, but it could have been. I have made a pledge to modify my life for the best. I have decided to shake off negativity and instead embrace positivity. Make sure that since we have to experience death at some point in our lives, albeit externally, that you gain something of use from it. Learn from it, like everything else we experience. Make the world a more pleasant place for those around you. Spread love, positivity and happiness.

disclaimer: I am not defending the things X was accused of and I would never do anything of the sort, but rather I'm being honest that I saw a bit of myself in him. RIP X