I have wanted to understand why people behave happily at important moments in their lives, why do they celebrate, what goes through their minds when they experience these things? I have always looked at it, I have even lived it and I can't understand why I feel as if I have never lived it. There are things that have me in doubt at every moment, reality and the virtual world, and why?
I have spent my life at home, hardly ever going out and hardly ever going out thanks to my parents and my aunts, uncles and cousins. Still, in my mind I couldn't understand why I should be happy when I didn't really feel it. I don't know how to explain it, but it all felt very fake, something out of the ordinary. I'm not trying to say that I have felt happy on some occasions, but still... it's all very strange to me, as if you were touching an object. But you can't see it.
So far I have seen people celebrating, parties, unfortunately as far as I have seen they are not good. I mean what's the point of having a party if everyone is sitting around? If it was my celebration I would tell them "You shouldn't be here then if you haven't come here to have fun, for that I celebrate by myself and dance, I don't need people like you who just come to someone's celebration to sit around." Sure, sounds the opposite of why I don't feel happy right? Besides, they spend their time drinking until they get drunk and smoking and who knows what else they do. Well, I never wanted to be in that lifestyle, for me that's not life... and it never will be.
I'm not saying that all people are like that, rather there are decent parties, very few in fact. Still, I don't know why I don't feel comfortable being in one of them even if it could be my party, I've always been in a corner listening to the music and watching the people. Now I understand why I did it, it wasn't because I didn't fit in the conversations or because I didn't know the people, it was because it wasn't my style to do these things. I would rather be at home doing something else than being in moments like that, even if I had the chance again someday, I wouldn't let it happen with the people I trusted.
Herramientas de trabajo / Work tools: Laptop, Photoshop, Mouse.