"I don't think I'll finish this degree! I'll be a writer, or maybe an anthropologist, but I won't be a Merchant Marine!" I would say when my classmates asked me. "I only got in because it was the only thing available."
"Then change your major. Numbers aren't your thing and you're doing very poorly," most of my classmates and some professors told me.
It affected me, but I didn't do anything to change my way of thinking. I don't remember very well what I was thinking at that time.
"What do you want us to help you with? How are you doing?" my parents would ask me every semester.
"Everything's fine, great. I don't need any help," I would say, choosing my words carefully to hide my insecurities. "I'll figure it out," and I wouldn't figure anything out at all.
Time passed and I repeated subjects like calculus, physics, and chemistry every semester. I didn't change my habits, I just attended classes like a sheep and didn't understand anything. My mind was on swimming, reading, and writing. After class, I would go to swim practice and then spend my time reading countless books.
"What do you want to be?" more people I knew would ask me, although there weren't many.
"Well, I'll be a writer, what else!" I would exclaim internally, uncertain.
It was easier than answering "I don't know what to do with my life."
My parents supported me, and three times during that period I tried to get into the majors I wanted, but I wasn't focused and if I did get in, I was far behind everyone else.
Time passed and an event set the tone.
"What is your dream or goal in life? Tell me what would make you happy?" Wolfgang asked.
Five of us looked at each other, thinking about our answers. The terminal gathering was decorated on stage, and people came and went. However, there we were, anchored in the present, thinking of an answer that would suit our purpose at that meeting. At first, training and having fun, but Wolfgang had another purpose.
Everyone gave their answer, but mine remained unchanged over time.
"I want to be a writer and publish my first book," was my answer.
He responded to each of our dreams and how to achieve them. He was relentless with all of us, showing us how we could make it happen. The truth came out in his speech and hit our visions.
"You want to be a writer, but you're not making any progress. You're stuck searching for it. You only read fantasy and science fiction books, but you don't look beyond that. Is a writer a millionaire overnight? How many years does it take for a writer to get to that point? Wouldn't it be better for you to become an engineer and acquire those sailing experiences, as well as the basics of math, physics, and chemistry to strengthen your stories?" Wolfgang looked at me the same way he looked at everyone else, with severity and truth that made me realize my mistakes.
"What's better, being a regular writer or being one who is an engineer and a Merchant Marine?" he finally asked. "What do you think is better?"
Those simple words changed the chip in my brain. There were more words and more speeches, but only those two questions were worth their weight at that moment.
Calculus, algebra, physics, or chemistry were a whole other world, an unknown corner that I didn't want to peek my head into. However, the mystery of being different made my curiosity grow. I tackled it with blows, but a time advance that at the moment of seeing the subjects, it seemed like I was an expert.
"You've changed so much! I never thought you could be so smart! Tell us what you know!" were the phrases that had never been said to me before.
Time passed, but my internal questions were also changing.
"Do you think I won't have time to graduate?" I told Hans one day as we were leaving to go sailing.
We were headed straight to the chess benches to wait for the next class on cargo handling and stowage on ships.
I only had three semesters left to move up and qualify for internships on board.
"You'll see that you can. Time is irrelevant, in a few years you and I will celebrate," Hans said.
Years passed. Some many changes and achievements happened, but Covid arrived and wreaked havoc.
"I don't think I'll be able to graduate or do internships," I said again accompanied by Hans.
We were contemplating the sea. By that time, many things had happened: I had acquired knowledge of pre-hospital care, had gone on multiple excursions and gained expertise in that field, had worked as a paramedic, and experienced multiple events. I wanted to create an ecotourism company and internships seemed too far-fetched.
"Of course, you will! I was able to finish, now it's your turn. We'll celebrate soon, you'll see. Next year will be your year," Hans said with marked enthusiasm.
And then it happened. The internships were given the following year. I had to face that odyssey in which all the knowledge I had collected had to be implemented.
"I told you," Hans said, drinking his fifth glass of beer. "I said we would make it and here we are. You're an officer now and soon the world will open up to opportunities that you had not considered so many times."
I nodded euphorically as I took my fifth glass. Around us, people were betting on horses or putting their money into slot machines. It was a totally strange place to celebrate, but that's where we had gathered. The festive aura surrounded us.
"When are we going camping?" Hans asked.
I raised my glass and the others did so gladly.
"As soon as I'm done with the stress of this damn graduation," I responded, toasting again for the achievement of enduring for so long to obtain a portion of my dream.
Cover and Banner made in Canva; Images generated by Canva's AI., Separators made in photoshop
