"I don't need you to fix me," Leila snapped, slamming her backpack onto the kitchen counter. The zipper caught on the edge, spilling half her notebooks onto the floor.
Mom just stood there with that look, that goddamn pitying look that made Leila want to scream. She'd been getting it from everyone lately. Teachers. School counselors. Even her so-called friends.
"Nobody's trying to fix you, honey." Mom's voice was too careful, like she was handling something that might shatter. "Dr. Nanduri just thinks these accommodations might help.."
"Help what? Turn me into someone else?" Leila bent down to gather her scattered papers, fighting the burning behind her eyes. "I've made it through sixteen years without any of this crap."
"And you've been struggling the whole time." Mom crouched beside her, reaching for a notebook. Leila snatched it away.
"I get straight Bs. How is that struggling?"
"You stay up until 3 AM every night. You get migraines from stress. You--"
"I manage." Leila stuffed everything back into her bag. "That's what matters."
Mom sighed, that deep, weary sigh that always made guilt crawl up Leila's spine.
"Fine." She stood up. "But at least read the packet Dr. Nanduri gave us. Please? For me?"
Leila didn't answer, just grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and headed for her room. She slammed the door harder than necessary, knowing it was childish but not caring. The ADHD evaluation packet sat on her desk where she'd tossed it yesterday. Its presence made her stomach twist.
She flopped onto her bed, crunching into the apple and staring at the ceiling. The glow-in-the-dark stars she'd put up when she was nine were still there, faded but visible. Back when things were simpler. Back before high school and college applications and everyone suddenly deciding there was something wrong with how her brain worked.
Her phone buzzed. Marcus.
did u tell ur mom about the assessment?
She typed back: yeah. she's all excited about getting me "help" now
that's good tho right?
Leila rolled her eyes. Marcus didn't get it. Nobody got it.
if ur allergic to peanuts that's a real problem. this is just... idk... people wanting to label me
that's not what adhd is
whatever
She tossed her phone aside and stared at the packet again. It was like twenty pages thick. Who had time for that shit?
But Mom's face kept floating into her mind. That mixture of hope and worry. Leila groaned and dragged herself off the bed. She grabbed the packet, flipping to a random page.
"ADHD is not a deficiency of character, motivation, or intelligence," it read. "It's a different neurological wiring that comes with challenges but also unique strengths."
She snorted. Right. Special strengths like not being able to focus on anything important for more than five minutes. Super useful.
Her phone buzzed again.
u know how i have glasses right?
Leila frowned at Marcus's text. yeah so?
nobody thinks less of me for needing them. they just help me see better
not the same thing
kinda is tho. just brain glasses instead of eye glasses
She stared at his text for a long time. Brain glasses. That was such a Marcus thing to say. Stupid but... kinda not?
Leila looked back at the packet. There was a list of ADHD traits, and she found herself mentally checking off almost all of them. The constant fidgeting. The way she couldn't shut her brain up at night. How she could focus for hours on things she loved but couldn't make herself start homework to save her life.
She'd always just thought that was... her. Just Leila being Leila. Bad at certain things, good at others. Not a disorder with a name and treatment options.
Her phone buzzed again.
btw did u see what kevin posted about mr. grayson's class?
And just like that, her brain happily leapt to something else, the evaluation packet sliding to the floor. But this time, she noticed the jump. Noticed how easily her thoughts were diverted. Had it always been this way?
An hour later, after falling down a YouTube rabbit hole she hadn't meant to explore, Leila picked up the packet again. She read the whole first page this time.
"The goal of ADHD treatment isn't to change who you are," it said. "It's to help reduce the obstacles that get in your way."
She thought about all the nights spent staring at blank pages, the endless cycle of forgetting important things, the emotional roller coaster that seemed to run on different tracks than everyone else's.
She picked up her phone again and texted Marcus back.
brain glasses. that's the dumbest thing you've ever said
but maybe i'll try them on. see what happens
20 May 2025, 