When I left Beirut in 1996 I had an over inflated ego. I was young, daring, a rebellious rising star in my little hole. Even though I had only been playing for 3 years I was earning a living performing almost every night in local bars, getting wasted, living the life... to top it off I earned a scholarship to attend one of the most prestigious music schools on the planet.
So I left my hometown ready to conquer the world. Little did I know; I arrived to one of the most competitive environments In the music industry. A place filled with amazing talents, unique human beings, proficient musicians and an educational body made to build craftsmanship. It took a minute for it all to sink in. Off course, I deployed all forms of self preservation techniques that went as far as severe paranoia - My head didn’t compute it right. Or didn’t want to compute it right; finally with the help of my teacher (Bruce Bartlett- one of the greatest instructors out there) who pounded me week after week - my wall broke. I broke. My ego shattered. I understood that I sucked! I had the natural ability, yes, but that was about it! I was a beginner who had a lot of talent with years to catch up on, if they would want to give their talent a real shot. At that moment I couldn’t add the story up: Why would I have my arrival here be so amazingly serendipitous (another story) to unfold in this heart breaking manner. Fortunately something inside of me fought the doubt and the fear. I convinced myself to just bow my head and do my work and see where this goes.
Years passed, I graduated and moved to NYC. At that point I was hoping for a break from feeling that way. I wanted to return to a “normal” life similar to what I had before my boot camp. BUT NO! It was the same exact experience. The same shock. I could see my heroes play for 5$ in half filled rooms. The level of talent and innovation was astounding. At that point dream of the small town boy to "conquer" was completely destroyed.
And that’s when everything clicked. I understood what happened to me in Boston, what it meant, and how important it was. I understood that the feeling of vulnerability and accepting where you are, allows for the greatest growth. So, this time around with a smile on my face I put my head down again and plowed through.
(original music / original footage shot at red sea diving trip October 2020 with Red Sea Explorers)
Till now I push myself to be in situations that make me bow my head. Sometimes it’s a small events like swimming with sharks; bare, unprotected a true underdog intruding on their space. You have to approach that situation with respect and humility. The same respect I learned to have with my instrument every time I pick it up. All you can do is stay calm and enjoy the ride.