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I have been thinking a lot about the events in Charlottesville, Virginia. In all honesty, I've been thinking about these things long before that. Even before Donald Trump took office. Back to the last Canadian federal election, when the Conservative party suggested that Canada needed a special help line to report "barbaric cultural practices." At the time, that was the feather that tipped the scale and pushed me to vote for the other side.
I am a small-town white girl from a middle class family that regularly veered into the lower class when I was growing up. My parents were hard-working, but young. Money was often tight with four mouths to feed, plus their own. But nevertheless, they persisted. They taught me to value things like hard work, determination and community. Above all, I always felt safe. I was always loved.
Our last federal election was the first time I really argued with my dad about politics. Maybe because it was the first time I really paid attention to what was being said by our leaders. Maybe because my view of the world had grown beyond the small town in which I was raised, where most people are mostly the same. Regardless, it was a new -- and uncomfortable -- experience to find myself disagreeing about things that are so important with the person who I respect and admire most.
What I learned from that experience, though, is that it is entirely possible to have a conversation about difficult topics with people who don't see things exactly as you do. And it's entirely possible to say, "Yes, you have a point," or "Yes, I agree with that," without giving up your own stance. It's possible to find middle ground and from there, a way forward.
I’m sure there are others who are able to do this, but they aren't the ones driving the conversation. Instead, we live in a world where one extreme clashes with the other and those who land somewhere in the middle -- who would normally be able to make clear, reasonable decisions -- do two things. They use the extremism of the opposite side to negate everything that side says and does. And they become so entrenched in their side being right, that they wilfully turn a blind eye to the horrific things their own extremists do.
In the end, we all lose.
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The easy thing to do isn't always the right thing to do
In the end, seemingly regular people will hit social media with claims that Nazism is justified because BLM is also extreme. That it's okay to support the alt-right because the alt-left also exists. I see these things and I want to scream. I want to say that there's difference between a group of people standing up to say, "Stop killing unarmed black men" and another group who says, "Stop interfering with my right to kill unarmed black men."
But I also know that as soon as I share these sentiments, I will be lumped into the alt-left category, even though I don't agree with many of the tactics the so-called alt-left has taken, like holding Toronto's gay pride parade hostage or labelling everything "cultural appropriation."
It's easier to put people into buckets. It's easier to choose a side and blindly commit. It's easier to see the world as black and white. It's so much easier.
But it's wrong. And I don't want to choose sides. I want to live in a world where people -- together -- call out violence and hate wherever it rises. I want to live in a world where people are still willing to work together, to find that common ground and a way to move forward.
Have courage and be kind
A few years ago, I took my daughter to watch the new Cinderella movie in the theatre. In the movie, Cinderella's mother tells her to, "Have courage and be kind." Those words have stuck with me ever since. Because kindness and courage go hand-in-hand. It doesn't take courage to hate. It takes courage to stand up to hate, without giving in to it.
The world falls apart when we let scared, angry people take control. I don't want to join them. I will not join them. Instead, I will strive, so hard, to live by these words.
To have courage and be kind.