Today I found myself remembering our life together; how we met, how we fell in love, how we got where we are now.
It was a wednesday night and I was on a party with some friends, and I was quite bored actually. I decided to go outside to get some fresh air and smoke a cigarrete, but mostly all I wanted was to get away of all the gossip about the party host cheating on his girlfriend and how she knew, but did nothing about it.
It was a country side little cottage, quite pleasant and perfect to be alone with your thoughs if that's what you wanted. Found a chair and placed it as far away from the back door as possible, didn't want to be disturbed by anybody. So, I sat there and just stared at the darkness of the night; no stars, no clouds, no moon to light up the grass, just darkness. And then, there you where...
At first I thought that you where a figment of my imagination or the result of to many tequila shots, but no, you where there and you where looking at me, staring, like there was nothing else in that space but me. And I was puzzled by your presence, didn't now if you where dangerous or not, I just didn't know anything. When you came close a rush of feelings came through my body: I started to sweat, my heart started to beat to fast to soon, it felt like I was running a marathon to nowere, and all I could see was you, like I was seeing you through a caleidoscope or something, it was you and nobody else.
In all that worldwind of emotions you got in front of my a I couldn't breathe, just enough to stay concious to see what you would do to me, because I was sure that something would happen. But I couldn't be more wrong: you sat next to me and started to talk to me, like we knew eachother from another life, and despite the fact that my heart felt like it was going to explode, I couldn't leave, I couldn't stand up and run away from the person who was making me feel out of control, in fact, I don't believe I actualy wanted to run, because for the first time in a long time I felt alive, I was feeling.
The next time we saw each other, you touched my face and felt like I was on fire and you were the flames, and again I didn't care, I was alive, feeling like I'd never felt before in my whole life, maybe that what was made me fell for you. Because everytime you left, that rush of feelings went away and I came back to that numbness that was my life, no fear or joy or sorrow, i felt hollow, and with you, there was a promise, a feeling from another world and it was wonderfull, although by that time, you haven't even told me you name, and I didn't care.
Of course my friends didn't approve our relationship, and why would they? They didn't felt what I felt when I was whith you or worse, the didn't understand what it was like not to feel at all. They even walked away from my life when I told them that I was going away with you, that the promise of a life with you was more than I could ever hope for, that my life didn't have meaning without you, that I was head over heels in love and nothing would change that.
But the last time you came something was different, I didn't feel like always. Sure, my heart still beat fast, but not like racing, my breath still was short but steady, my head didn't spin out of control and I saw you like I saw the next guy. Didn't sweat, didn't shake, nothing. So I started to think that maybe we needed to talk, or maybe we needed to put some distance between each other in order to get our feelings straight. And you noticed that something was going on with me, so you kissed me and said goodbye. I cried and you smiled at me and whispered somenthing in my ear and left.
You told me you name: your name was Fear, and you promised me that you'll be back to be with me forever. So now, I'm just waiting for you to come back, to make me feel alive, to make me feel whole, and to fullfill your promise you made that day. to be with me:
