Another weekend, another Weekend Engagement Topics for us to thrive on.
The amazing 
Anyway, for me, finding something to write is always a challenge, and that’s why I appreciate so much this kind of space because I just have to read and pick a topic. But as always, I choose the most difficult one to develop because I always choose the hard path.
Because of that, I chose the one that I thought was the easiest, but I was wrong. Here it is 👇🏻
I’ll mention the more obvious one, my appearance, all of it, hair, teeth, weight, height, feet, style, everything.
I have others of course, I’m not a particularly confident person, something I have to keep working on, but my appearance is the most superficial insecurity I have.
I always thought I was a cute baby, and as grew older it went downhill. Maybe it was because as a kid I was always in a very adult environment, since I was 9 I had to spend long periods of time away from my parents because of the orchestra. And kids are mean!
My grandma always said that kids are the greatest tyrants in the world. Maybe is a little harsh, obviously, kids are innocent and pure, and it’s the parent's job to teach them right from wrong and shape them into good and fully functional human beings. But I agree that they can be very mean.
I grew up being told I wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, etc. My adult teeth came out crooked so I don’t smile much, I have manly hands and feet, and my hair is so rebellious even though it's straight! But has a will of its own so I have a hard time styling it.
The weight thing was and still is the worst though. I had a nickname: Revaca.
A mix between my name Rebeca and vaca, which in English means Cow.
They even wrote a song, a rap song. I think I wrote about that here.
Every day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner they sang it to me. 200 plus kids and teenagers all chanted that damm song. And the adults laughed, so I did too.
It was my coping mechanism, to laugh, they mock me I mock me too, because the alternative was much worse. And of course, that shaped the view I had of myself as an adult, so, that's why I never trust a person who says to me that they like my smile (teeth out I mean), or that my hair is cool, or that I look beautiful. I hardly believe it, because, besides my parents, I never had that assurance from anybody, nor the tools to learn to love myself despite anyone's comments, fat or skinny, tall or short, good hair bad hair, straight teeth or crooked teeth. That came with time, and still sometimes have a hard time looking myself at in the mirror, but I’m working on it.
As I said earlier, I’m not a very confident person, but there are three things I’m confident about.
1. My cooking skills: I'm a good cook, I mean, besides the fact I enjoy cooking, I like the taste of my food. Savory or sweet, what you want name it and I cook it, and I guarantee that you’ll like it.
2. My empathy: I try to be that person who puts on the shoes of others, to see what they see, feel what they feel, and help in any way that I can by seeing things from their perspective as well as my own. As a kid I used to hear adults say “No one learns in someone else's shoes”, but as I became an adult I learned that in fact you can too, you just have to be willing to TRY someone else’s shoes.
I believe the world lacks empathy at a scary level, so I try to do my part, I know that I’m good at that, and that gives me the confidence to keep myself afloat so that I can be of service to others.
3. My music: I’m not the best, far from it, but I’m good at what I do. I did not used to think that, lack of confidence and all, but over the years I have found that despite the long periods of time that I am out of the game, when I come back it’s like I never stopped you know? Like the riding a bicycle thingy, you never forget it, and I haven’t.
Yesterday I played a little after two-plus months without even dusting the case. I was in front of my fan, which distorts the sound pretty badly, but nonetheless, I recorded myself just because. I put a video on YouTube and I played above it.
My student said that he wished for a sound like mine, and my mentor said that it sounded good despite me being sick and away from my studies. And even said that he’s planning to come to visit and play together, so that says enough.
By the way, I play the oboe, and I love it, even though I don't play as often as I'd like. I'll include a video of me in late January before my medical leave.
We all have insecurities, we just have to acknowledge them and work towards healing what needs to heal and repair what’s broken. That’s where our confidence starts to shape up when we start to see we can be good at many things, that we are not perfect, but we are wonderful for who we are, unique and beautiful.
