Moving to a new and uncomfortable place is depressing.
I got my Nysc place of primary assignment (Ppa) on the 29th of last month but I resumed on Monday which was yesterday. My Place of primary assignment(ppa) is a very small school with very few facilities in the rural part of Ogun state, Nigeria. Initially, when I got there to submit my Ppa letter I pleaded with them to reject me but they refused. Aside from the fact that I was never a teacher, I don't have any passion for it (I don't want to use the word hate but it would have been a better adjective)
I told them im not interested in teaching but I guess they were short of staff so they decided not to reject me and told me they would try as much as possible to provide what I would need.
So, I resumed on Monday but due to the documentation process I came back late so I have to resume on Tuesday fully.
Let me tell you a little about my experience on Monday. After I got there and was done with the necessary documentation, I told them I would love to get myself situated in the new apartment. I wasn't optimistic about the place because I know it is a one-room apartment in a rural area so I expected less.
The man in charge told me they hadn't gotten a mattress that I would be sleeping on. He then told me to wait in one of the staff's
Workshop
I waited for more than 3 hours. I was stressed and uncomfortable, I just wanted to settle down, shower, and relax or probably sleep. But I waited then I called him that I would like to go back home and then I would come back tomorrow. Even though the transportation was expensive I didn't have a choice at that point.
He told me he was on his way that he had been all about me getting comfortable and that he bought the mattress already. So I waited until around 8 pm stressed. He came and showed me the room and the mattress he bought. I was relieved a bit at that point. I cleaned the place, laid the mat( what he called a mattress) and I freshened up. I later went out to the bus stop to get some toiletries and what I needed because I wasn't prepared.
As tired as I was I slept without must concern even though I knew the window and door were not secured.
I started fully on Tuesday, I was optimistic because I was expecting a roommate and also I already had my day planned out. I got to the School, I teached which was stressful, I lost my appetite that morning because there was no good food around. So I had to work on an empty stomach that morning . During the break, I had to buy food from the school caterer even though her food was horrible and she sells only rice, beans, peas-size beefs, and egg. I was unable to finish the food because my taste buds wouldn't let me, I just had to eat because I was hungry.
I already made plans to watch my clothes after school because I brought only a spare T-shirt which I already wore. I also plan to get groceries, a few clothes and toiletries, and most importantly an insecticide and disinfectant.
After School , I got back to the place and decided to rest a little and use my phone but after a while, I ran out of data, I dropped my phone and looked around I didn't know where this depression came from, and I started crying and everything just irritated me, it made me feel like I wanted to just disappear. I was unable to carry out my plans, to get a recharged card outside, to go get something I wanted to eat. I felt alone, I just wanted to leave this place, I was depressed, sad, and hungry and I didn't know why I was starving myself.
I just wish I had another place to go to, or someone should just walk in or maybe go home because I don't think I can take in all that is happening to me. I thought of leaving and at the same time I felt like I couldn't just go after the effort the school made to make me comfortable but I guess their effort was not enough, I just wanted to go home or maybe serve another year cause I a literally trying to survive the night. All crazy thoughts like maybe I don’t deserve a good place and a lot of regrets. These thoughts kept coming into my head then I decided to write them down if it could relieve me a bit but now that I'm done writing, I'm still depressed, sad, and hungry.
How do you deal with depression?
Thank you for reading ❤️
All images are mine
Nb: place of primary assignment is a place or organization where nysc wants you to serve nigeria. If you want know about nysc read my blog
