The other day I had this redneck come onto my property and ask to mow my lawn and he spit chewing tobacco all over.

My cousin pestered me for years to try yoga. "Come on @rainbowllama! Try yoga. It'll be good for your health," she said. Well, finally I gave in when those years of sitting on my ass caught up

I once knew a rainbow colored bird named Charlie. He was an alcoholic. We use to go out drinking all the time when we were in our early 20s. Back then Charlie wasn't an alcoholic...just a stupid kid like

Blueberries are my all time favorite fruit. First, because they are blue. Blue things make me happy. Second, they are juicy. They are great in muffins, ice cream, pancakes, and more. They are wonderful

I hate ice cream. I've never liked the stuff. I hate the feeling of cold within my mouth. Ice cream is freezing and it makes me uncomfortable to have icy cold in my mouth. Swallowing it is the worst. I've

I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep losing my damn shoes. I try to take them off in the same spot but then I go to look for them and one or both are moved or missing. I think my house in haunted.

I once saw a ghost in my bathroom. It was the middle of the night and I stumbled into the bathroom for a pee half asleep. I stood over the John, letting a stream go when I saw something moving to my right.

A long time ago I was on vacation in the city. I was walking down a touristy street and saw a man wearing silver tight clothes with every inch of his skin painted silver. He was weird looking. The guy

I've got the letter "L" from the World Book Encyclopedia propping up my coffee table now that the leg is broken. I may have gotten drunk and tried to dance on top of it. The thing couldn't handle

A long time ago I owned a really ugly dog. He was bald except for around his face. He was missing his front fangs after getting in a fight with my neighbors toy poodle...poodle won obviously. His tongue

It's the early start of spring and the flowers are beginning to bloom. I've really missed flowers. The winter felt so long. I hate winter when everything is dead and dormant. Outside the world was brown

I've always been claustrophobic. Elevators are always a horrible experience for me. They are small and tight. I've got a fear that the cables will snap and I'll plummet to my death. When other people are

I really hate chocolate. I prefer eating candy. Think they are the same thing? Well you're wrong. Candy is way better. You get all kinds of flavors like apple, cherry, strawberry, pineapple, grape, and

The only animal I really hate are pigs. Yeah, they're cute with that adorable snout and oink oink oink but that's not enough to make me love them. They love to roll in the mud. I once had a pig at my uncles

If there is a game I hate more than anything it is tic-tac-toe. No game has ever made me feel more shame about myself. So simple yet...I can't win. Try as I might, I've never won a game of tic-tac-toe.

Day 2 of having writers block. No improvements even then I took a break on using my brain. Instead I've been spending time watching every season of That 70s Show on Netflix. The older I get the more I

Do you ever get writer's block. I suffer from this problem at times. Whenever my mind is blank I like the bang it against the desk over and over again. THUNK, THUNK, THUNK!!! Something about that loud

Saw this at the grocery store... Normal canned tuna is pretty gross. Thai Style Tuna has got to be even more gross. Nope. Not happening. It takes a lot for me to eat a tuna sandwich. I don't need tuna

I love pudding. I enjoy a nice chocolate pudding that is cold and creamy. That being said the puddings in this picture are all disgusting. Pudding has milk or cream in it meaning it spoils when warm. Yet,

It's riduculous how many brands of BBQ sauce there are at the grocery store. It's like everyone and their mother invented a BBQ sauce and put it up for sale. No, I'm not going to buy your BBQ sauce because