Engulfed with uncertainty as I was waiting for 7 hours in that empty reception hall, I was already bored to death— TV being my only companion but seemed like it was already hating my unpause staring at the screen; broadcasting all those shit shows. As I took out my phone to check the time, there was this text — care to meet one last time?
That moment I knew why God had put me on the waiting list for so long and eventually postponed the surgery until later that week; we were destined to meet.
It was a long night with countless texts. Seemed like the world had stopped breathing, too reluctant to shine the morning light and I could barely sleep. I knew you couldn’t sleep either— I just knew it, like I knew you so well, more than anyone, even yourself. Like you knew me more than them…
The night passed…
As I was waiting for 26 at that familiar bus stop you used to get off with an electrifying smile, the air, heavily charged with love testament, whispered the ecstasy of a long-awaited reunion. The cold didn’t bother me, cause, M will be there. My heart raced against the clock to meet that familiar face; those eyes— soaked with glittering tears as I remember you collapsed in the seat, stand 8; last time. Are they still soggy? They still shed tears for me— I was waiting so eagerly to meet them; delve into their depth to find myself, or someone else.
It seemed a long wait. 27 passed me 3 times. Nah, I didn’t find you among the passengers. Standing in that neighbourhood clinic became intolerable, should I move forward; your house isn’t far from here. What if we don’t cross paths— what if you don’t find me here; I waited for your arrival. Then the long awaited 27…
Wrapped in a black overcoat, you were rushing towards the red lights— I followed your every movement, every gaze you set on the clinic’s premises to find me out. I was there, just around the corner, waiting patiently to greet you with a big smile; as always. As your eyes grew impatient looking for me, I couldn’t wait, showed up— oh, how surprised you were to see me but you didn’t smile. As if you forgot to smile altogether.
I didn’t find You there, with all those radiating aura, a force powerful enough to drive my insanity away— what have you become; it’s not the YOU that ignited the flame in me long ago.
Hesitated, we moved closer. Each step taken seemed to weave the thread of affection, once again; despite the odds. Each moment declared the love of a lifetime, still, we couldn’t look at each other— but deep down I knew the cold-bitten hazy wind couldn’t keep my heart frosted any longer as it was racing with anticipation of a feeling of togetherness. Your hazel eyes shaded with spreading eyebrows melted the ice as crisps brittle under hard fist.
As we moved forward, away from the bustling street, my heart remained intertwined with yours, weaving the ribbon of unknown dreams— a repressed desire to be in your arms, didn’t happen; neither I was courageous enough to hold your hand. But there was a time I never hesitated to stretch my hand to hold yours; what we have become?
Walking beside you never felt so uncomfortable.
But I can’t complain; I let your hand go when you needed me most— I can’t complain if someone else finds sanctuary holding your hands now, or you.
You were leaving the city, you told me. It was your last day walking the streets, so we retreated to someplace quiet and the deafening cacophony faded into the background. But I couldn’t listen to your heart echoing through the uncanny silence; like it used to beat in a syncopated rhythm with mine not so long ago. Oh how I wished time could stand still, but it moved so fast— kept me away from savouring your smell, tenderness of your hands, vape-teased lips, those eyes that killed me a hundred times and whatnot— memories flooded my mind like an approaching landslide, tried to bring me closer to you and I felt the connection again when you asked for my hand. Trust me I didn’t want to let go of your hand, I will hold God responsible for that— He should have a good explanation for that.
Did you notice how we overcame the distance without a word? As if we were lost in each other, enveloping each other in tight embrace although we weren’t. Cherishing the moment as if it was our last, indeed it was. But the distance melted away in that brief moment spread the warmth of eternal love filling the void, glowing softly yet perfectly. We found love, once again, in silence— your gaze spoke volumes in love language, and every touch became the testament of eternal bonding, I rediscovered the beauty of togetherness, appreciated the marvel of emotion and affection we grew, fostered a sense of undying love surpassing the sin.
“I have to go”— a trembling voice whispered. I could sense the urgency and knew why, so, can’t hold you back. But I wish I could…
I couldn’t speak, as I was strangled with the fear of letting you go. And I knew I had to let go.
I waited till 26 left the stop, couldn’t hold my tears, went past the bus so you don’t notice. Walked back to the stop, took 27 and returned home— leaving my most precious possession behind.
But if we could fill this chapter with everlasting promises. Our steps could create a new path of togetherness, refill the tapestry of life with unshared histories— we could vow to adore the most precious gift for the rest of life; us.
Always remember that, please.
