Ability To Say Hurtless No.

Anyone living without boundaries set in place will probably not do so well in anything. Boundaries are important, helps to achieve things. It is that tiny line between a yes and a no, a like and a dislike, love and hate. Helping others is a proof that one has a good heart but no longer a person with a good heart when it is done without caution. Financial help is something everyone needs, rich or not, every one has a need or desire that money can solve.

We do not have to be rich or have plenty before we can help. There have been days where I have just little money on me and someone else would request for part of it. I do give it out mostly because their need of it is greater or urgent than mine. I learnt to be wise about giving from my parent, they have been cheerful givers since I was little but they do not give out money as they do with other things, materials. This is because of how people can perceive you when you are able to meet their financial need; they see you as rich and wouldn't stop coming for more. Their idea might not be 100% balanced but it will safe them from unwanted stresses and attention.

Saying no to help isn't wickedness and it does not kill too. It doesnot mean you no conscience. Saying no save you from over giving, from wrong assupmtions that you always have money. I will most likely not give my money to anyone when it's going to affect things like my school fees, house rent, savings and foodstuffs. These things are very important and I do not have the courage to ask for help when I know thay I had the money but wasn't careful about spending it.

One of the first boundaries I set is when I know that the person I am going to help will not appreciate it, probably someone I have known who does show the gratitude worth what was received. I know that many times we shouldn't give to expect a kneeling down or broadcasting kinda appreaciation, but it is expected that a recipient of help should show gratitude. I might not want to help such person even though I might be tempted to.

I used to be a very carefree person, not so observant and doesn't think deep about things; I only wanted to enjoy every moment without stress. One of the effect was helping others even when it isn't comfortable at all. As long as I can help, I just assist regardless of how uncomfortable it is. Doing this then was stressful because I would go out of my way to help. I always wanted everyone I was privileged to help to know that I was the one that helped, literally,just to please them. Sometimes, I don't even get a nice thank you, which can be hurtful somedays. I had to learn from friends how to say no, it was a struggle between my heart and my head, I tried to use logic against my emotions. It worked after a long time.

I set boundaries that would rarely inconvenient me to help, except for some certain cases maybe from among my circle of friends, family and loved ones. It doesn't matter how much I really want to do it, I decide based on how much inconvenience it would cost me if I would render an assistance to a person.

There is this other.... I set it based on how much I have given to a person and how much I have received from same person. It doesn't have to be equal yet shouldn't be far. There will always be people who are a bit less than we are in certain areas, e.g finance, knowledge of a thing, etc. Helping such person might not give you anything substantial in return but there are simple ways a person can return the assist received. By being nice to you and maybe your friends or family member, checking up on you, assist you even when it is obvious that you can get it done yourself.