People have their own reservations when it comes to how they want their future to look like. Married? Single? No kids? Seven kids? What about dogs? To live abroad? Or to set up a business here in my hometown? What will my future look like? This last question has been hanging above my head the past weeks, like a post-slump hangover.
Maybe it's the generation where I fall into. I have always wondered why it has always been so easy for my grandparents' generation to have kids. Hell, my grandma got married at 18 years old. Moved in to the city and built a house along with my grandpa at 20.
At 18, I was still a palamunin of my parents while I was out in college surviving ChE. Now I'm 25, three years out of college, having an engineering license I am currently not using, and spending my fridays going to school (in leather pants and black heels) but not as a student anymore, but as a science and research "teacher". Don't believe me?
Last Friday I was really looking forward to spending the whole day catching up on the research subjects I was handling, I had the whole day planned, from commenting on the piling number of research drafts I have to comment on and, writing repeatedly "WheRe ArE yoUr iNdep3nd3nt and d3peNdenT v4riabLes st4ted?", or "Thi5 sh0uLdn't B3 heRe", or "pLe4sE cItE Ur SoUrCes pRopErlY in APA" on their submitted drafts to contacting my students and setting consultation times for each research group the following week.
But just when I was about to start, I was tasked to substitute for an adviser absent on that very day, and I was asked to do that, on that same very day. So of course, what do you expect?
Another one of my 'grumbling employee' episodes of course... With matching "how I'll be delayed of my own progress because I had to sit in for someone else's?", "why doesn't this system have any structure? Yada yada yada." or "does this place have any concept of boundaries?" Because they could have always just told me a day before and all that jazz and I could have prepared properly.
Anyway, one internal tantrum and a face squeeze later, I put on my big girl clothes and went to the room where the module distribution was taking place. Good thing everything was already prepared (I really appreciate co-employees who do this, I mean if one is planning on taking a leave and have someone substitute them for the day, they should at least have the decency to prepare everything beforehand and not make the substitute employee play a really stressful guessing game 😭) and all I needed to do was be present: assist the guardians and parents, smile, pretend I actually know what I'm doing and when I don't, I ask them to come back next time their adviser is at school.
Everything went well that afternoon, I even got to notice one of the cute guardians (probably a student's older sibling) who seemed to have taken notice of my leather pants. I was in the room with another teacher, let's call her Ma'am Leslie (In the PH, we address our teachers or any older person as Ma'am or Sir).
Now Ma'am Leslie is the school's guidance counselor. At that time, her speaker was playing a pina-hugot na heartbreak song (I forgot what it was). She asked me if I could relate to the song seeing that I was well-versed with the lyrics. I joked around "Maybe. In my past life. 😂" And then she added "You know I never experienced these types of heartbreaks when it comes to love, ever. My husband and I? We were each other's firsts."
I answered "Really?" and I could feel my interest being piqued because I felt like the story was going to be a good one. She then started talking about her marriage, how she and her husband has been together for 26 years, and just a while ago, she and her husband had recently celebrated their anniversary. Mind you, she is already in her 60s, and the woman looks, talks and moves as if she is still 20 or 30 years younger.
I have known this woman only for a short time but in almost all the times we do interact, I readily notice her disposition as a ray of sunshine, always giving me food whenever I pass by this room, always happy, always ready to listen and make chika and not the gossiping kind.
When she talks, she holds absolutely no bitterness and contempt in her speech. I wish I could say the same for the other younger married and separated teachers in the faculty room, who almost always have something bad to say about their partner or about the system or about life. She said she can't relate to the bitterness and the marriage problems all the other married lot were facing. Heck, I can even say that I-- at only 25, holding only about a third of her age-- house more contempt and bitterness with life in general than she has ever had.
When I expressed shock in knowing her actual age, she started talking about the why's.
She started mentioning things like loving her job, loving her life and always looks for a way to enjoy it despite its difficulty. In addition to that, she has a husband who loves her and still gives her flowers at their old age, even just recently after celebrating their 26th wedding anniversary and renewing their vows. She even showed me pictures of the both of them and her family-- their biking trips around Bohol, the wacky poses she and her husband keep making in several photos. She was just a really wholesome person to talk to.
But the real part that caught and monopolized my attention was when she started talking about how she and her husband met.
Growing up as a devout Catholic, she used to be in a convent studying towards becoming a nun. In her final year of being in the nunnery, her father suffered a massive stroke which left him incapacitated and paralyzed on one half of the body. I infer that in order to financially fund the treatments that her father has to go through, her mother decided to work abroad, which forced her to leave the convent and go back to her hometown so that she will be able to take care of her father. It was quite disappointing on her end for a while, but then relented, for what could you do when one of your parents who you love so much is in pain?
So she went back to her hometown and took up a teaching job in Ateneo de Davao in order to make ends meet while taking care of her father. She first heard about her husband through a friend who was onboard in the same ship he was working in. He was a seaman, five years younger than she was and the two became pen pals.
There was no hint of romantic interest between the two at this time, on her end, it was just purely platonic. She really just saw her then pen pal as nothing more than a letter buddy.
When the time came that would-be husband went back to the Philippines, he took a boat ride straight to Davao City to meet his pen pal for the last 5 months. By then, on Ma'am Leslie's end, her dad had already passed away and was buried two days before she could finally meet her pen pal. Her dad wasn't able to survive the second stroke attack but his dying wish was for his daughter Leslie to get married.
She didn't see herself getting married to anyone despite already being 36. But despite that, she was still excited to finally meet the friend behind the letters.
They met, exchanged greetings and got to have a meal in the nearest nice restaurant Ma'am Leslie could think of. Everything was well and want according to plan on her end. All she was looking forward to was a nice get to know you session with her letter buddy, but the guy had other plans, and whipped out the following question:
Ma'am Leslie reenacted her expression when she was presented with this question. I could only imagine what thoughts Ma'am leslie must have went to her mind. A guy who you only know through an exchange of letters for five months, who you never saw in person, not once, during that span of time, asks you to marry him when you finally meet him in person for the first time.
I could imagine Ma'am Leslie's face screaming "eXcUse Me???"
A bit of shock was present for sure. A hint of being offended because "Who the hell is this guy to appear out of nowhere to ask me to marry him, and expect an answer without even going through the courting process? Am I supposed to say yes just because I'm nearing the end of the calendar like..... cue in a long feminist rant"
That's not even the worst part though.
Leslie said something along the lines of "wala pa gani ta kaagi sa normal na ligawan na process or get-to-know?" (Why would you ask that when we haven't gone through the courting stage or getting-to-know stage?), he responded with "Why? We can have plenty of time getting to know each other when we tie the knot.. that's my offer, take it or leave it."
I could only imagine Ma'am Leslie in her head at this point:
So of course, like any sane person, she rejected him right then and there. If hiding red flags were already a thing back then, then that was the complete opposite of it and borderline insane. 😂😂😂 She told him "I'm sorry but I really cannot take that offer".
Understandably disappointed, baby boy went back to Bohol (He was a Boholano).
But the days after that, on Ma'am Leslie's end, the Universe was moving in ways that she cannot fathom.
She had to deal with the reactions of shock, and the teasing of her friends back in the faculty room, and her eventual longing for her pen pal because you can't deny, that the dynamic suddenly changed after the incident.
Just when she was ready to put it all behind her, her mentor in Ateneo talked to her about possibly looking at the situation as a sign from the Divine. Her mentor didn't want to give up on the guy just because of the incident as he/she noticed that the man was a really good person. So the mentor urged Ma'am Leslie to pray and asked the Divine for a sign, every single day for two weeks straight. And she did as she was told.
"Is this the guy you want me to marry? if so, please send me a sign. Please don't leave me hanging. Please make him come back to Davao" she prayed earnestly every day, for two weeks at 3 am in the morning.
And then one day, she heard from their mutual friend that he was going to travel back to Davao but only to process some papers.
I could imagine Ma'am Leslie must have been perplexed at the news, but she chose to ask for another sign from the Divine "Lord, please give me another sign, if he calls me when he arrives in Davao from Bohol, I'll take it as a sign that this is the person you really want me to spend my life with"
Then the day after she prayed that prayer, at around 11 in the evening, the phone rang. Lo and behold, it was her would-be husband. In an earnest tone (I assume), he asked her "Wala na jud koy chance nimo? Dili jud ka musugot?"(Don't I have a chance anymore? You really won't take up my offer?)
She hesitated but then said "Musugot ko (I accept your offer)... but only if you agree going on a 3-day retreat with me in the seminary"
I only remember kicking under the table out of kilig and amazement and screaming and laughing and clapping like a drunk walrus for everyone in the vicinity to see:
"When do you want to get married?" Ma'am Leslie asked. "ASAP" he said. 😂😂😂 The balls of this guy. I just laughed with Ma'am Leslie when she described her would-be husband at that time "na murag gigukod" (like being chased).
They got married a month since the day they first met in person and when he popped the question, and that was only possible because everyone of her friends were so supportive of the marriage.
When they found out about it, her whole barkada in the faculty room boomed! One of them pledged a venue for the reception, another one of her friends who owned an orchard pledged orchids on her wedding day, and her mentor who was so supportive of her would-be husband pledged a whole wedding cake complete with layers. Miraculously the cost that she and her would-be husband's family would shoulder for their wedding day reduced to a PHP 100 per seat, instead of the original PHP 300 per seat.
And the rest is history...
Two amazing kids later, and a 26-year marriage filled with biking trips, and vacations and instances where her husband would give her flowers at every important occasion of their marriage, and where she never heard his husband raise his voice or his hand at her, she tells this story, to this weird-looking, always smiling from ear to ear, walrus in leather pants 😂.
Then nearing the end of duty, we noticed a red jeepney in front of the classroom where we were staying, the golden hour lit up the school in a magnificent golden hue, and out the driver's seat walked Ma'am Leslie's husband, balder than the photos of his younger self, but nevertheless he was there, picking up the branches left from the typhoon.
She pointed out, obviously super proud of her man: "That's him. One thing I really appreciate about him is that he is a simple but very responsible person" and then after picking up the branches, I saw them leave the school in the red jeepney, a much sweeter and realistic version of riding into the sunset. It was almost as cinematic as the romance films back in the day.
I look back at the story and can't help but still feel amazed. Her entry to marriage was literally a big leap of faith. I just wish everyone else including myself have at least a quarter of the faith she has.
Roxanne Marie is the twenty-year-old something who calls herself the Protean Creator.
She is a chemical engineer by profession, pole-dancer and blogger by passion and frustration, and lastly, a life enthusiast. She is on a mission to rediscover her truth through the messy iterative process of learning, relearning and unlearning. Currently, she works as a science and research instructor in her hometown, Tagbilaran City, all the while documenting her misadventures, reflections and shenanigans as a working-class millennial here on Hive.
If you like her content, don't forget to upvote and leave a comment to show some love. It would be an honor to have this post reblogged as well. Also, don't forget to follow her to be updated with her latest posts.
