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I’ve observed and it's probably no secret if you're past 20, you've experienced so much to know this too, there are people who simply don’t listen when you’re talking to them, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk.
You can see the signs easily enough. Their eyes go away from you or they nod their heads with such speed as if they’re counting the seconds till you’re done speaking. What you’re saying doesn’t seem to have any impact and yes, it's not having impact because to them it's about winning the argument or being right in the end instead of actually understanding what you're saying.
These people are not always rude and appear to be polite otherwise, but they have a big enough gap between hearing and listening, they are not crossing that gap either, they’re already thinking of what they’re going to say, creating a mental list of points they would like to make, formulating an argument or story or correction in their mind.
After a while, it becomes very tiring. You begin to feel like you and the other person are simply taking turns performing monologues to each other. And that's how pointless conversations happen, it does nothing but waste your time instead of settling a matter. All of this is because one or both or all parties involved in the conversation are not good listeners.
What’s sad is how this has been normalized and it's a behavior that leads to you never learning from others. The art of listening and responding at the right time is not something for a professional therapist, it's something we should all learn if we hope to build healthy relationships in our lives. How do you expect to know the problems of people around you if you talk or respond more than you listen? You get no information from talking.
There are those that know they do this but the majority do it without being aware. Usually, they assume they know what the other person is saying or is going to say and they cut them off, interrupt with so many questions all at the same time and if the other party doesn't agree, they get offended and stop the conversation from going any further. Again it's because they were hoping to be right not actually solve a problem or understand you.
The most important thing I'm learning to do to be a good listener is to avoid making assumptions and ensure that in most delicate or sensitive conversations, the other person speaks more than I would.
