I'm just curious 🤔 at what point does love become stupidity? is there a set limit you can endure before saying 𝘐 𝘏𝘈𝘝𝘌 𝘏𝘈𝘋 𝘌𝘕𝘖𝘜𝘎𝘏?.
An ongoing situation with a friend and a second incident that happened has left me pondering this question for a few weeks and till now I still can't wrap my head around it.
Why do we sometimes find it so hard to draw a limit, why would anyone consciously put themselves completely at the mercy of somebody else.
Handing over your entire life, destiny, and future to another person to decide and control as they see fit? And be happy to run with whatever they choose as best for you like some robot on autopilot designed to obey programmed commands.
These thoughts have been flying through my mind ever since so today I decided to throw this question to the community to see what everyone thinks.
I have a friend who I can honestly say is one of the nicest people I have ever met to date.
She is beautiful both inside and out. she is just the kind of friend everyone needs in their lives,𝘈 𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 whom we will call Mariam (not her real name).
Mariam has been in a relationship with Mark (not his real name either 🤫) for over 3years and they love each other very much.
Mariam loves Mark to the moon and back and would do just about anything for him.
She never gets tired of saying how she couldn't live without him and that he must never leave her because she wouldn't be able to survive it.
Mark had promised to come to see her people finalize plans for their marriage but somehow something always comes up and it keeps getting postponed.
In the course of this relationship, she gave her all to the point that she has had two 💊 induced abortions at Marks behest because whenever she finds out she was pregnant in the past, he tells her he wasn't ready yet and she should get rid of it.
Two Saturdays back I got a WhatsApp message from Mariam and she told me she's pregnant again but Mark is insisting she gets rid of it because he was still planning for their future but promised this would be the last time because their marriage plans were going to happen by January unfailingly.
I advised her not to put herself through that pain again and to keep the child after all between now and January the pregnancy wouldn't be that visible so I didn't see how that would hinder a wedding but she insisted that Mark was angry and that he would leave her if she refuses to follow his decision.
"𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘹𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘚 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 #𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘖𝘕𝘚𝘌𝘕𝘚𝘌 "
Seeing I was unable to convince Mariam I at least got her to talk to Mark's younger sister who is a mutual friend of ours before doing anything.
The younger sister spoke to her family about the issue and Mark's family who I think are nice by the way decided Mariam should have the child and they would take care of her.
They offered to put her on an allowance until the child was born and that they would make sure neither she nor her child lacked anything provided the child was Mark's.
"𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬'𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮"
I was relieved that the issue got settled so imagine my unpleasant surprise when two days later I got a message from Marian telling me she had taken 💊 to induce the abortion just that morning 😔
In my confusion, I called her back and even her voice sounded pitiful and when she spoke I could hear the pain she was still in.
According to her, she caved in when Mark told her that since she has decided to keep the child then he will be a father to the child but that he will NEVER marry her 🤷♀️ so she decided to do it this last time and at least January wasn't too far away so she would just be patient and wait.
I told her my fear was if she decided to continue on this part and ended up with complications that prevent her from conceiving in the future then this same Mark would most like to leave her to get married to a different girl who can give him children and I know this for a fact because I have seen it happen.
For almost a week I couldn't bring myself to speak to her because I felt disappointed but when we meet up in person and I saw the strain she was going through, I decided to forgo the anger and support her as best as I can in the hopes that someday soon she realizes the kind of danger she's putting herself in.
The secondary incident I spoke of happened on Wednesday last week.
I was lying in bed at home that afternoon because the previous night I had slept late when my phone rang.
Initially, I wasn't going to pick the call but it kept ringing and on checking it was one of my super-duper good friends 👥 she is that kind of person who always has a knack for sniffing out information 🕵️♀️ you know the kind that could make a living working as an investigative journalist for CNN lol yeah even I have one of that special kind of friend.
She asked me where I was and knowing I was home she asked me to come outside because something was happening close to my house and she was there already 🤣🤣.
When I got there I meet a crowd of mainly angry women, some holding sticks and a few interesting instruments 🤔 I think I even saw a lady holding a medium-sized stone in her hand.
So what happened, A lady who rents one of the shops in that line was involved in a disagreement with her husband.
So her husband had left her and their 4children to move in with another lady who he has even gone ahead to marry traditional (which is allowed here 🤐 ).
That said day he came to his first wife's shop and wanted her to leave the shop he opened for her as he wanted to reclaim it and he also told her to return the keys to the car she uses which he paid for in the past.
When She refused he got physical with her right there in her shop which I later heard was a very common occurrence, him physically assaulting her.
I'm not sure if it was a mistake or deliberate but he ending stabbing her with a sharp object close to her left eye and that was when all the women turned on him.
The crowd of women pounced on the husband and gave him a beating I'm sure he would not forget in a hurry.
when I saw the state of the man when I got there I almost pitied him with his clothes tattered and cuts all over smh he was lucky some people choose to intervene and save him from the mob of angry women because who knows how the story might have ended.
So we see two women, the first who loves and doesn't think twice before putting her life at risk to keep her relationship and make her spouse happy.
On the other hand, we have a mother of four who is legally married but has borne a husband's indifference and physical assault for years without taking a stand for herself and her children.
What are your thoughts on both these true stories? is it enough to endure and hope things get better, or is the solution to walk away when a situation no longer makes you happy?.
If you ask my opinion I will reference a previous 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧of mine where I gave my view on a situation like this, that was my stand then and it is still my stand today.
Thank you for reading and see you all soon 😘
