Today I made a simple error (which I go over in the latest 'Taking Responsibility' post) and I stalled because I made it and it slowed me down, and then I kept on making that same error!
The error was to slow down and wait for others to react to my actions.
It was partly ego. I was pleased with something that I had written, and I posted it to a forum where I had posted before and received comments in response quite quickly. I refreshed several times - who am I kidding? dozens of times! - over the course of the next 24 hours but nobody made a comment. Don't ask me why it bothered me - why I felt the need for validation. But that's what I wasted a portion of my day waiting for. it wasn't a complete waste - I have learned not to hang around waiting for others to fit in with my expectations. I have also learned that I don't need to wait for the approval of others before I shine my light or blaze my trail or whatever it is that I am doing. And I have definitely learned that I don't have to hide my light in case others might be offended or have an opinion. I hope that I have learned these lessons deep and well.
I didn't go on the expedition hike today - Frankie was under the weather and I ended up waiting in for a furniture delivery for Judy. I think this partly contributed to my feelings of stuckness and delay because I didn't end up doing what I had planned. Further to this, Judy wanted me to instead get up in the loft and get more done, which I did, but there was a lot of prep and other jobs that needed doing. So I didn't have much to show for staying home with Frankie and keeping things ticking over. I knew that Judy was disappointed though, and even though I knew what I had been doing all day, it added a tinge to my feelings about how it all went.
So I did get loads done, but it didn't feel like much had changed by the end of the day, even though a lot had changed. Crazy huh?
Well, I was pretty pleased that I wrote a bunch more on my story tonight. I'd had the Interview scene in my head since the day before, and while I was working up in the loft I'd be working out the dialogue exchanges and how the scene would flow. Pleasingly, I managed to write it pretty much how I thought it would go, and only ended up changing one reasonably large chunk by removing it and putting it later on in the interview. But I wrote a total of 1859 words today, which is more than I would be aiming for if I was writing at NaNo speed (1667 per day to hit 50,000 words after 30 days).
So even without the expedition hike today I made my (adaptable) goal and got to 7849 steps. The goal is modified each day by the accumulation of the last few goals and how I did each day. A couple of days where I complete my goal and it goes up by in proportion to how much I went beyond it; equally, not reaching the goal will lower it in future depending on how much I missed it by.
So my goal is slowly creeping up again after a week or so of being missed and going down. For comparison, my average school day goal is around 10,500 steps. Tomorrow's goal has risen to 7861.
I drank a lot of tea but not much water. I wonder how I need to change so that water becomes my habit.
I had a massive effort today in terms of reading loads of people's posts and comments, and then replying to them all. I think by the end of the day today I had posted over 17 comments and it felt great. Some comment replies then got replies back, and I found myself in conversations. That felt very good indeed. There is something excellent and validating about acknowledging the value that other people have provided, and then hearing back from them.
My Reputation has now gone up to 38, which is great. I have no idea what makes it go up or down, beyond other people upvoting and commenting on my posts and comments, so thank you to all who have done this :-)
I'm getting there anyways, and today was just one more step in that right direction. I'll be charting my progress as I go and we'll see what works and what does not work for me. And hopefully, some of what I learn along the way will be useful to some of you, too.
Peace be with you all xxxx
