There are times we meet someone and love the person. It might not just be the person's appearance but his/her entire demeanour, which could include the way he speaks, acts, and reasons. This first impression can stir up your emotions and make you attracted to this person. But getting close to this person, you realise he isn't the type of person you saw him to be, or maybe he is, but it's very subtle, shaded by many other things that bother you.
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Now, if it's an intimate relationship, we may try to tolerate the flaws of the other person, even when they don’t align with our core values. Instead of walking away, we create a different image of them in our minds and search for reasons to explain their behavior. Sometimes, this process is painful, mentally draining, and emotionally exhausting, but we feel stuck. We keep hoping they will change and become the person we want them to be. It’s not that we ask for too much; rather, we hold onto certain basic values that we cannot compromise. Yet, this person’s attitude or behavior, whether it’s drug addiction, emotional neglect, indifference, or even abuse simply doesn’t align with the values. The truth is, we are already in love, and letting go of that kind of love is incredibly difficult.
Anyway, permit me to say that I'm saying these things out of experience. I was deeply affected, and it happened just last week. It was tricky, and I was lost for a really long time. This is because I got emotionally attached without getting to know the person deeply. But being an overthinker, the red flags were very visible to me. My mind predicted what could happen in the nearest future, and I got mentally and emotionally stressed. The emotional part of me tried telling me to overlook, but I was too self-aware to be carried away by my emotions. I was left hanging in between, and my mental health was at stake.
A few days later, a friend reached out to me, and I told him my problem. You know, it's really good to have someone way older that you can confide in and expect a positive response. After sending him paragraphs, he replied with just two sentences and the case was closed. He said, "Trust your intuition and make a move to save your mental health. There are many fishes in the ocean." It was direct, and healing.
Not that I didn't know what to do at first, I knew. But just like Ariana Grande said:
“I was in love
With a version of a person that
I created in my head,
That I am trying to but cannot fix.
Uh, the only thing I can fix is myself.”
I even tried talking sense into this person, hoping he would change or at least reason differently—poor me.
Well, these lyrics are true, and the situation is well expressed. The problem is not the person we're attached to but us. We know what and who is right for us. We know what and who we want. So why not walk away? Like I said earlier on, it's because of love. But people like us love with our head, that is the reason we could clearly see the mess. It's called self-awareness.
That same period I let him go. It was a bit tricky but simple. I tamed my emotions little by little, and before I knew it, everything was gone—totally erased. I was relieved and set free.
I did this because my mental health is very important. No one is worth my peace and happiness. I am too aware to walk into a toxic relationship.
Could this be what Ariana Grande experienced? How did she manage to walk away? I found myself very curious when I heard the song today.
I was randomly streaming an album when the song caught my attention. The lyrics felt so relatable that I had to look up what inspired her.
Her story looked like a sadder version of mine and I genuinely felt sorry for her. It made me realize that many people go through this kind of experience at least once in their youth.
Some people said it's best to lock your emotions, so as to permit your brain to think properly and cohabit until we know every damn thing about the person. This might not only be applicable to two opposite genders in an intimate relationship, it could also be seen within our close circle of friends. There are people whose values don't align with ours, but because we care about this person, we let them into our intimate space, and they end up setting our mental health in chaos. It could be arguing about every little thing, misunderstanding certain actions, frequent malice, and not reciprocating love and care. If you’re a very sensitive person, this can take a serious toll on your mental health, and the best thing you can do is to walk away.
The truth is that, the problem isn’t with the other person, but with us clinging to figments of love, and illusions of who we want them to be.
