Sweet Agony

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What do you see when you look in my eyes?

A freak? A nameless being?
Or maybe simply another face in the endless sea
of people
What do I see when I look at myself in the
mirror?

I see pain, laughter, tears, smiles, fatigue, plus
endless energy.

What do I do
When the world I live in
Doesn't know I am suffering?

I feel the scars
On my heart
My arms
My wrists
And I think back to a time when I was truly alone
Wondering the streets at night
The sky dark and stormy,
With the cold rain falling down on me
It was like the sky was crying
All the tears I was too afraid to shed myself
That was along time ago,
but still I can feel the sharpness of the blades
upon my soul
My skin
My heart
Sometimes at night I sit up
Stare at my window
And cry, for all the pain I still sometimes feel.
I wonder if life is meant to be more then this,
This town
These people
These feelings
I am like a caged animal,
Trapped inside bars
Locked in, with no hope to escape
I scream
Yell
Cry
But no one hears me
I stand alone
On my own little path of life
That I have been on for as long as I can
remember
With a broken heart
A broken soul
A broken mind
Still I struggle on
So that I can maybe see beyond this world
Of darkness and despair,
So I can see the world beyond,
Of love and life and happiness
So here I stand,
A smile on my face,
Even though I am being torn apart on the inside.
I will continue to smile,
And feel
And love
And I will survive; survive to tomorrow
So I can learn to trust again
And this sweet agony
That has been with me all my life
Will be dispersed
Become nonexistent
Gone
No more.
And I will finally
Be
Alive.