Behold...this is the Migaloo 1000 personal luxury submarine. A way for the very very VERY rich to explore the depths of our vast and mysterious ocean floors. However the kind of person that can afford one of these babies can't be expected to explore the ocean in some cold, dark, metal tube built for peasants. Not to worry Mr. Bucksworth, Migaloo has you covered. This submarine, or should I say 283 meter long submersible yacht, comes fully equipped with two pools, an outdoor hot tub and spa, a wine cellar and a fully functional gold polishing station to keep those bars nice and shiny. The Migaloo also comes with an armada of 30 butlers that will softly smear eggs benedict and caviar along your tender back, if you so desire. The butlers are also fully trained in the art of animal sacrifice and are able to slaughter any endangered species of your choice, at just a moments notice. The Migaloo also comes equipped with six hangers where you can store your mini submarines, so you can launch a submarine from a submarine. However, for an additional fee, you can have your mini submarine equipped with a mini-er submarine to perform tripple submarine launchage. The Migaloo also has the ability to emit phytoexplasmic rays that distort the weather's natural cytotonic rythm, and can change the direction of the breeze to your choosing. Don't worry Mr. Bucksworth, we won't have that pesky wind messing up your hairdoo during your submarine tanning sessions. The Migaloo is also capable of taking care of all your prestigious dining needs. The bioengineering department at Migaloo's research center has found a way to actually clone Gordon Ramsey and, for an additional fee, each Migaloo submarine comes with a fully functional Gordon. Infact it is not uncommon for Migaloo owners to purchase two Gordons and have them fight to the death in the Migaloo bowling alley. Another way to enjoy your Gordon to the fullest is too attach him by rope to the end of your Migaloo, and ride him into the sunset along the endless waves. This activity is growing in popularity and is officially referred to as 'Gord Boardin'. Now your probably sitting there saying "Well this all sounds fine and dandy, but whats powering all these Migaloo shananigans" Ah excelent question sir, you see the Migaloo is powered by a device known as the Whaleharvester3000x. This new age technology simply finds a whale, attaches itself by a cord to the whale's blowhole, and harvests the life energy straight from the whale's soul. The soul energy is then used to power the Migaloo's energy core and is also 100% emission free! It then automatically sucks the used whale carcas up into a port hole where it is ground up into whale oil and used to lubricate all of Migaloo's gears and machinery. Well, there you have it. From its diamond encrusted eyebrow trimmers, to its collection of bottles filled with the tears of starving children, the Migaloo 1000 is truely the future of luxurious, subaquatic exploration and also the best way to show that you can afford to blow three times the entire GDP of zimbabwe, on a toy.
