This is a true story. Heart breaking and true, for me.
I pretty much leave details, locations and things, in my posts.
Not in this one.
As you read this I'm sure you can understand why ..
I love my friend dearly, and wouldn't even hint at who it is.
This will always be just between me and her.
It's as story well worth telling....
I knew this girl for a couple of years. We weren't close at all, not really.
But we did have a 'friction' between us. Not an attraction, a friction.
We argued all the time, but I never stopped liking her as a person, and had lots of time for her.(and I think she thought the same way).
She used to drink me under the table on many occasions, and always had a good time out, together. We stole the occasional drunken kiss, but it never went anywhere. It just wasn't like that.
After a while, she said she needed to find some work, and I said about a webcam job she could do, if she wanted. She was interested in it, and was good looking girl.
She was a excited about it 'oh, I've always wanted to do some porn'
And so We started working together. We had a good time- lots of drinking, lots of arguing, and making some money.
She never smoked grass, or snorted charlie, or dropped pills – alcohol was most certainly her narcotic of choice.
Whatever floats your boat, is my motto.
One day, I was getting ready to go out partying – so the work day was wrapping up .
I just came down from the shower, ready to chop a fat one, when suddenly, out of the blue, she started asking me about the coke, and what it was like. Its effects and so forth.
Now -contrary to popular belief, not all people taking drugs are:-
a/pushers,
b/ dealers
Although, in fairness, there are quite a lot scumbags that are JUST like that -I'm just not one of them, is all - (I don't partake in party goodies, anymore)
I don't do lying and this time was is no exception –So I told her the good and the bad, and the very ugly -all in equal measure. I wasn't sugar coating anything.
She asked if she could try it. - I then went on to explain the negatives, even further. – of which there are many if you are vulnerable. Or weak.
She said she was going to get some anyway, but preferred to have some from me. (which was a much better option than dealing with some charlie'd up moron).
One, of the effects of cocaine is confidence and talkativeness. (that two, but who's counting).
So we snorted a couple of lines, and off she went, like steam train (kinda funny).
After extolling the virtues of cocaine to me, compared to alcohol,(and wondering 'why, oh why hadn't I done this before?,') blah blah blaaaa...........you get the picture.
After a while she calmed down, stopped running around the room like a crazy thing, and relaxed a little (as relaxed as you can get on coke).
Now we got to the talkative stage.
We talked. (if you have done coke, will you know what I mean).
Talk with a confidence. A lack of fear.....It's kinda cool.
And then she held my hand. "can I tell you something?", she said, serious now. Very serious.
"You can tell me anything babes, you know that," replying.
So she told me.
She told me everything, holding my hand.
I don't know, or care, how long it was.
I do know that by the time she had stopped talking, and stopped crying, my hands had four lines scraped deeply, down them, bleeding profusely, from her nails digging into my flesh.
It mattered not.
Any pain I was feeling, was dwarfed by what she was going through, the poor girl.
I'm not going to go into any details, because it doesn't matter. - That is her business.
I am going to tell you horrific doesn't even come close to describing her experiences.
Years of horrific.
I never went out that night. We slept together, with me holding tight her all night, and her saying 'thank you'.
And for 3 days after.
I was the first person- in her life- that she had opened up with, to. I cannot imagine holding all that she went through, inside, to herself. I just cant.
While I felt 'privileged' to be the person that was there for her, it was the cocaine that gave her the confidence to talk. - to REALLY talk.
Drug use at it's very best, if you ask me.
She stopped seeing me soon after that.
In the cold light of day, something had changed. I think she felt vulnerable, looking at me, knowing what I knew about her.
Not shame, she had got past that one, just....open....raw...? I dunno, to be honest.
Whatever it was, she didn't want be to around me much, like before. Which I kind of understood. Kind of.
No, not really. I was a friend, and was certainly not going to betray her trust in me.
She was safe with me.
Anyway, We drifted apart over the next couple of weeks, and I never saw her again - for 12 months or so.
We bumped into each other, in a night club.
And She was happy. Very, very, happy.
Happy like I never saw in her previously, over 12 months ago.
Her whole 'vibe' was different. I was so happy for her.
We sat down, she sat on my knee, we cuddled. It was nice.
" I do MDMA now!", she squealed, "want some?"
"Go on then, if your forcing me" I said.
And we sat there, her sprawled across me, on that comfy chair, for 3 hours. Just chatting. It was lovely.
She told me she had stopped drinking totally, did the MDMA when she went out, and some coke one a month (each weekend probably, in coke head's language- just so you know).
She told me since 'the talk', her life had completely turned around, she was dealing with lots of stuff she had kept buried. Tough but good. (she was one tough cookie, by the way)
She was meeting her boyfriend soon, and had to go, so I walked her to the door, we had a cuddle.
"I love you" she said, and ran off.
I never saw her, or spoke to her again, after that night. Which is absolutely fine.
I'm sure she is doing brilliantly, whatever she is upto. Wherever she is.
She's a star.
