All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien
The unrelenting rain mercilessly assaulted the cool glass of the window overlooking the harbor. The harbor was such a menacing stranger when viewed at this time of night from the heightened perch of my loft overlooking much of the bay. I slowly blew the steam from the top of my over-sized mug of Irish Breakfast Tea. Who in their right mind, besides me drinks tea at this time of night? It was a habit formed too many years ago to even remember the origin. As I peered over the harbor the rain was ushering in a fog that hugged the top of the water like a sweatshirt two sizes to small. Something was uneasy about this fog, it moved slower than it should and it appeared to move in complete disobedience to laws of nature that normally govern such things. I quickly dismissed it from my mind as I turned to face my corner desk and my waiting computer.
It is nights like these when writers feel the full weight of their gift. At times, this gift hangs so heavy around one’s neck like a obese albatross threatening to take us under the waves for an eternal sleep. It is in these moments that the gift metamorphosizes into a twisted curse, a curse one can never escape, one that is so intimately entwined with one’s soul so that if the gift dies, so we die. But the writing must go on.
I slowly approach my desk like a loved one approaching the lifeless body of a family member. I know I have to see it for myself, yet I already know what awaits when I get to the destination. As I sit down before the machine that has become my graven idol to make my nightly sacrifices of pieces of my soul, the keys upon the keyboard began to tap a cadence on their own and my screen bolts to life as mysterious words begin to form on that obsidian screen. “See into me…..See into me….See into me….” These words began to move faster and faster across my screen until the letters began to blur into a blinding light and then suddenly, there she was. A female creature of perfection. Her eyes the radiant orbs that must be comprised of the stardust of creation. He beautifully, symmetrical lips begin to move and in the center of my mind a ethereal voice gentle whispered,”See into me”. Even though the voice was emanating from within me, I instinctively leaned toward the screen to hear her better, all the while being captivated by her mystical eyes. Her eyes possessed the power to grab the epicenter of your soul and then she would slowly, slowly pull you closer.
As I leaned closer, I lift my eyes to meet the magnificence of her gaze, a piercing light punctured my mind’s eye with the precision of a crystal scalpel and penetrated me to the core of my being.This light held me as the hands of a thousand devotees to the goddess Athena would hold the sacrifices to their lord. It held me immobile, completely. It permeated every cell of my being and I was paralyzed in the purest sense of the word.
She, in this moment, knew me. She knew me in a way that was incomprehensible to my ragged mortal shell. She knew all of me and my inadequate understanding quivered in spasms to grasp a fraction of what she was. In the space of a mere moment she showed me who I was, who I am, and who I was going to be. She gifted me with every memory, pain endured, and pleasure received. A single, solitary tear welled and the broke the surface of my eye as it cascaded down my cheek. The tear fell from my chin a suspended with the universe that was unfolding in this momentary instant of euphoria. She had mercy upon my fragile soul and released me. Released me back unto myself. I collapsed. I dreamed the dreams of soothsayers of old, I walked within the realm of the medicine men and they greeted me with the love of an old friend. I awoke seated at my desk. I would never forsake the gift bestowed upon me by the universe again.
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