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We have trivialized the concept of forgiveness so much so that we profess it without really understanding what we are saying or really meaning what we are communicating. Forgiveness is wiping the slate clean as though the offender never did anything wrong. Forgiveness is more than just saying the words "I forgive you." Forgiveness is bigger, weightier, and deeper than what people think it is. Forgiveness is a tough act.
Mostly when we talk about forgiveness, people tend to think that once you forgive, you automatically forget all the hurts and reconnect with them, but that is not really the case. You can forgive someone sincerely without reestablishing any kind of relationship with them. Forgiveness has nothing to do with allowing them back into your life or tolerating their toxic behaviors. Part of the forgiveness process includes learning from the mistake(s) that led to the hurt that warranted the forgiveness. If you forgive a wrongdoer and do not learn from that experience, you will recycle your pain; it is only a matter of time.
I have experienced hurt and pain from people I least expected, and this made me walk about with a heavy heart. I remember when I heard a preacher I respect so much speak about forgiveness. I wondered how that was possible鈥攈ow will I forgive people that have caused me so much pain? It did not make sense to me then. But as I grew older and became more mature, I realized that forgiveness was a conscious act that required a great deal of deliberateness.
One thing I have come to learn about forgiveness is that it is often more about freeing oneself from every emotional burden that resentment or hurt might have caused. I have learned, both from my experience and my interactions with other people, that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven. Because you are the one hurt, you are the one with the broken heart, the wounded feelings, and the hurt emotions. Because of these negative impacts of the hurt on you, you tend to feel some measure of resentment for the offender, and while that feeling of hatred and resentment is valid, it is inimical to your emotional well-being. It is this resentment and hatred that places that emotional burden on you. Worst off is that when you see the offender, you suddenly become bitter and lose all traces of joy and happiness.
When you forgive, you are not just letting the offender go; you are letting yourself go as well. You are releasing yourself from the emotional torture of bitterness and anger. You are freeing yourself from the dead weight of hurt and resentment. In most cases, the forgiver benefits from forgiveness much more than the forgiven. It is like holding someone captive in your thoughts and heart. The moment you forgive, your heart is lightened and free of hate.
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