You want to be humbled in a heartbeat? Want to realize just how insignificant and powerless you are, in relation to the universe all around you? Just have a loved one go missing, under suspicious or dangerous circumstances.
Yesterday, my topic ended up being an unexpected one... one made with haste and without much thought. The day before that, I was talking about how one holds people, places, circumstances "dear."
It's hard to hold dear a situation that is so stressful as the loss of a loved one, temporary or permanent. It's easy to hold dear the things we love, the things over which we have control. It's easy to say we "hold everything dear", as if to tell ourselves and others we are centered, grounded, safe, and somehow wise. It's quite another matter to hold dear those things that rub us the wrong way, that chafe the skin or the soul... those things we are powerless to change -- both in the moment, and in our memories, these things are like a scratch in our little "I hold everything dear" facade.
Holding a situation "dear" where you believe a loved one is in danger, and you are 1000 miles away, and you have almost no other information other than "they're missing, and something dangerous has happened" and you are trying keep calm enough to make smart decisions but your emotions start FUCKING with you like a $2 whore on crack who finds out you don't have change for a $20... that's gonna screw with your dear-holding-ness.
And it's going to force you to remember how powerless you can be, in a single instant, in a single phone call... a voice mail message where all you hear is "... on life support..." and "... accident..." or a facebook post where your eyes become myopic upon words like "... assault..." and "...whereabouts...". And you realize, you're far away, and Google isn't going to save you this time.
The word is "humbling" and it happens to all of us at some point. We find out how wrong we are, how powerless we are, and really, how fragile we are.
And that's where it's worth remembering another "hold." As in, Hold All Others Superior. Not as "I'm weak", but merely as "All that is around me is greater than me, and so here is my place within it." My first post was about recognizing how precious other sentient beings are; this one is about not seeing them as inferior or taking pity on them, but rather seeing them all as superior to us.
As for myself? I can remember a time when I was relatively arrogant, at least on certain subjects or around certain people. Not necessarily cruel or judgemental, but in a way, sure, both of those. Not purposely; it's probably more a youth thing. Especially since, as I've grown older, I feel almost like I've really gone the opposite direction. You know, it's the old "The more I learn, the more I discover what I don't know" syndrome. With a sprinkle of "The more I fuck up, the more I realize how fucked up I can be" thrown in. These things? They are merely catalysts for humility. Not as in "I was humiliated" but as "I am more humble." It was only later in life when the idea became more prominent in my mind, the point of view that "Everyone -- Everyone -- has something to offer, something from which we can learn. Every. One."
And once you do that, you've found another way to be happy. Your ego shrinks, and your mind grows, both in regular, good old fashioned "knowledge" and "experience", as well as what is commonly known as "emotional maturity." It all kinda just goes up a notch. And then another.
Think of something, someone, some type of person that you might just automatically consider "inferior" in some way. Often we do it with the poor or those who appear sloth-like. We do it with children, for sure... we forget just how tall we are over them, and don't realize what our posture, voice, and behavior look like to those little faces, so short in stature... how we absolutely dominate the space around and above them. Think of these "automatic inferiors" for a moment, and ask "The next time I am among them, what can I discover about what they have to offer me?" Think of all the new questions you'd ask, that you might not have before. And think of how different you might treat them.
Then think of how you might do this with someone most certainly avoid and despise. Woah - there's a new challenge, huh?
Thinking of all others as being superior does not mean you're inferior to them. If we were all on the same page, we'd all treat each other as superior, and we'd be very close to real enlightenment as a species. But we all know that's not going to happen.
The effort is worthy anyway.
And when you realize how "inferior" you might be (you'll definitely feel it, anyway; remember, you're NOT)... when you continue to hammer away at the various avenues you can take when conducting a search, when you're desperate to hear the voice of a missing loved one, when you're just waiting to see "I'm here" pop up on your messenger screen... when you're doing, or have done all you can and now you must wait; if it all goes to shit and you haven't remembered or been able to hold the whole thing dear, at the very least, focus on the idea for a moment that "This is my reminder of the superiority of others."
Do that, and you won't hit the brick wall quite so hard.
You will see this is actually how things are all the time, it's just made crystal clear to you under these types of circumstances. Embrace that, if just for a moment, and let go... Do what you can, but be ever cognizant of what you cannot control, that you cannot control others, that someone else has information or experience or skills you don't have, and you must wait for them and look for them and lean on them. What you'll gain is control in another place -- a place where you don't let your emotions steer the situation, a place where others see you at your best, a place where they too might be reminded that we can hold all others are superior, and they might even see you that way.
And your energies will be focused on the right things, where they can have the most impact.
Losing people sucks. Finding them is joyous. Losing them forever is devastating. Somehow, holding it all dear and remembering our place in the universe in the midst of those things, or when looking back upon them, can bring you joy. You're not happy about it, but perhaps at least joyful for having experienced it, and if you were able to remember "dearness" and "superiority" at the time, joyful for how you were able to use your experience and "centered-ness" not just to get through it, but as an opportunity to also (re)connect with your universe, and now you have something new you carry with you for the rest of your life here.
Do it, because you can. Because the universe isn't going to give a rat's ass; it's not going to find joy or sorrow in connecting with YOU. It just Is. And you can either simply exist in that Is, or you can connect with it, through every experience, not just the good ones. Not just the "good people", but all of 'em. Not just the fun times, but the times when something has gone horribly wrong, and you're powerless to stop it, and how it ends may not at all be what you want.
To you, the person reading right now... I wonder...
What will I learn from you?
What is it that you're meant to teach me?
Because everyone is meant to teach something to someone.
Be well.
