Trust is such a complicated and delicate subject. There are ways to trust and they all have their own unique challenges and rewards. However, this article is targeted at trust in personal relationships.
Trust is hard. We all know that. It's hard to trust people because they always let us down. Why can't they just be faithful? I wish I knew the answer to that question. Maybe it's something about their childhood.
It would be nice if they could just be there for us, but it's so hard to trust someone who has let us down so many times. Trust is hard. A lot of people don't know what the word means, so they do not know how to act.
Truth is, for me, trust doesn't come easy, perhaps because I've been hurt more times than I care to remember. I could also say trust doesn’t come easy for me because my religion teaches me to trust no man but the God I serve. However, the most notable part of it all is the fact that almost every time I trusted without holding back, I had my heart broken in so many pieces.
Notwithstanding, Trust is what you give someone when you have faith that they will be there for you no matter what. Trust is what someone entrusts you with when they are overprotective.
Trust is what you have in someone when you have faith in them.
As much as I hate to admit it, my trust process is completely flawed. Every time someone makes a promise to me or declares words of undying affection, friendship, or even love (especially if it’s from the other gender), I find myself poking holes, finding faults, and doubting every single word before they are completely spoken. How did I get here?
The worst part of it all is, I have subconsciously convinced myself that the people I trust will always find ways to hurt me, so I assume betrayal. As a matter of fact, I await betrayal. Little wonder that when it does come, there are no surprises.
A lot of times, I’ve had friends say to me;
'Omosefe, do you trust me?’ or a simple “Omosefe, I need you to trust me”
I don’t outrightly say ‘No, I do not trust you’ or ‘of course I do not trust you’ because I do not want to come off as rude to my friends, so my response is usually ‘Trust isn’t given or agreed upon, trust is earned overtime’.
When it comes to love, friendship, or family, whatever it is, provided I have a relationship with you, I go all in. Still, you don't just become friends today and expect that I trust you. Show me over and over again that I can trust you, only then will I feel safe before you. If I trusted you before and you hurt me in the past, it would be nearly impossible to trust you again.
When I trust people, I become utterly vulnerable, and too many times this has put me in unexpected situations.
All these years, I have avoided commitment like a plague, I'm overly secretive a lot of times, and I keep processing past hurts. Still, I am done living like life is a warzone. Done living like everyone is the enemy. I’m done looking at almost everyone of the opposite gender as a liar. I want to be able to build healthy, happy, relationships with people again. Just maybe time would help.
Do you also struggle with trust issues? How have dealt with it so far?