I have stayed in roughly seven different addresses in the past six years. Yeah, I know - I move a lot.
As a renter, I have a mindset of not owning more than what I can fit in two suitcases and a backpack that I brought with me when I boarded my first flight to New Zealand. While my belongings have naturally grown over the years, I still live minimally.
Living minimally comes rather easily to me which I think has a lot to do with how I was raised.
My parents and grandparents would often say:
When you die the wealth you’ve accumulated in your life won’t matter because you’re not bringing them to your grave. What matters when you die is whether you have fulfilled your obligations in life and if you do, you will die in peace. To do that you need to have good character, a good education, and be in good health.
Growing up, my siblings and I were provided with delicious food, family outings to somewhere fun or educational, and relaxing family trips. But anything extra like new toys, trendy clothes, personal gadgets and the like needed to be earned through getting good grades at school 🤓
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
This upbringing significantly shaped my relationship with material things, especially as an adult.
I usually put a lot of thought into what I want to purchase rather than being impulsive. This habit was formed very early in my life. If I get good grades at school, my parents would promise that I can buy anything within a certain budget range. This was a good way to train myself to think carefully about what I wanted to reward myself with after studying hard at school.
To this day, I would do my own research, weigh the pros and cons and look for cheaper alternatives before purchasing. Hence, I am much more likely to make occasional large purchases (usually when there are big sales) than frequent small purchases because of this habit.
It also turned me into someone who doesn’t shop for fun! 😅 It may be shocking to some of you, “What? Who doesn’t like shopping???”. Honestly, shopping is mentally exhaustive to me because I take a lot of time before deciding on anything and it is not easy for me to find something I like.
I shop only if I need to and when I do I would've usually done sufficient research.
Being forced to wait till my exam results are out before I can buy what I want, has given me the ability to delay my gratification for quite a long time. I have unconsciously developed ways to regulate myself whenever I pass by a shop.
One counter-intuitive (and somewhat risky) way of self-regulating is to go window shopping to feed my curiosity of seeing what’s new or on sale. Usually, after spending some time browsing, my rational brain kicks in and the temptation to buy becomes weaker.
What I’d normally do though is I’d just walk straight and look away! Sometimes if the temptation is so strong I unconsciously walk really fast, hold my breath and physically tighten up my body. As silly as it sounds, physically distancing myself from a shop usually works for me! 🤣
I find that the lesser time I allow myself to be exposed to alluring discounts and sales, the less likely I will end up buying things I don’t need.
Growing up, my mother regularly donated our clothes or things the family no longer use. It taught me my belongings are only valuable so long as they are still useful. If they are still functional but I no longer need them, I should give them away to someone in need.
Regularly donating enabled me to practise letting go of my attachment to my belongings. If I am holding on to something that has genuine sentimental values but it’s time to let go, I would acknowledge how valuable it has been to me to make letting go slightly easier.
It's true that letting go is never easy but if it’s just there collecting dust, I think it’s much better to give it away.
To be completely transparent I haven’t de-cluttered my belongings for about two years now because who am I kidding, decluttering is so time-consuming! However, my view stays the same - experience, education and health are more valuable than material possessions.
In practice, I spend my money mainly on nutritious food, gym, books (or audiobooks), trips and adventures but I am calculative when it comes to everything else. Don’t get me wrong, I still get myself nice clothes, fashion pieces, makeup and gadgets but the key is that I don’t put too much importance on them.
In this age of social media, my mindset has really saved me from having a toxic relationship with material things. I don’t get myself in debt to appear wealthy, live paycheck to paycheck because of lifestyle creep or be stuck in a hamster wheel of keeping up with the latest trends. But I know I'm human so for whatever reason, if I do fall prey to irresponsible and over-consumption I know it’s time to reassess myself.
What's your relationship like with your belongings? While pursuing wealth and financial freedom, has your relationship with material things change?
