Something about emotions is that they can drive us to places that we may not intend to go when they're not controlled. When experiencing intense anger, for example, one is likely to say or do things that they normally wouldn't when they're in their right sentences. In such moments, responding the right way is a good move, and an even better one is to know just when to respond.
While it may sound counterintuitive to not take advantage when an opportunity presents itself—striking when the iron is hot—you realize that the idea in itself may have to be approached differently and more tactfully in dealing with people and their emotions.
When words spoken land on the recipient the moment they are experiencing an influx of uncontrolled emotions, regardless of whether it is the truth, they might not exactly process it well or, even worse, look at it through the lens of their feelings. While it is not one's responsibility to "handle" the other person's feelings or how they perceive things, it could be more effective to rather strike when the iron is cold.
Out of the blue, a friend stormed at me, accusing me of ignoring them when they greeted me earlier that night, simply because they thought I was rather paying more attention to someone they were holding a grudge against. Next thing I knew, bitter things were said to me. I was confused, of course, but I was more angry with each passing moment they flared up at me.
Other than the fact that I really didn't know what to say, I knew that even if I did say something, it would have turned into a heated argument. And who knows what could have happened next? They couldn't continue forever anyway, so they eventually stormed back out the way they came in.
The next time we met, they were interestingly trying to joke around with me, being a normal day. It was then I spoke my mind, and I reminded them of the reality of the situation the day before; I was the one who greeted, and they rather turned their faces away and totally ignored me. All sounds trivial, really. But in the moment I was calling them out for their tantrum, which was apparently a misdirected anger, they were then apologetic in admission of the truth.
The truth was the same the day before, as it was the moment I relayed it. The effect it would have had then would have been entirely different from when it was really discussed. The truth never rusts, but it was much more effective to strike when the iron was cold. But what if the roles were in reverse?
I have found that I really don't think clearly most of the time I am experiencing intense emotions. Much after cooling down, I would realize the things I shouldn't have said or done. And oftentimes, I regret them. To be safe and avoid reacting the wrong way, I try to be still, and that usually involves not even saying anything. And when I'm much calmer and thinking clearly again, then I could respond tactfully. In the times I give in to the impulse of my feelings, I tend to regret much later and even find that I had said non retractable things.
Images in this post are mine
